Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I am a damn good financial consultant

Here we go, for everyone that thinks they are bringing light on a topic I don't understand allready, andi, here it is in black and white:

I know that getting calls is annoying when you are busy. I get them too, I listen, I let them know if I am interested in their services or not, and I move on. If I'm REALLY busy then I'll let them know that. "Sorry, guy, but I really am running very late and I can't talk now, but if you catch me another time, I'll listen."

I know life is hard, but you don't have the right to be rude to, or hang up on another human being. I know this, because I hung up while a guy was yelling at me for calling him after I said, "thank you... click" to move on to the next call and he is now in the process of writting a complaint to my manager for my "rudeness" for ending the call inapropriately.

And from this point on, if you have some bullshit to say about my job, email me because I will be deleting the comments. I never thought I'd get to this point, but you guys have no idea what the hell you are talking about and you are saying things that any living breathing human understands. I don't cater to ignorant people in my line of work. I deal with only people that are smart enough to value my services. If that's 1 out of a thousand, then I'll call 1000 people. The assholes and degenerates who hang up on me arent' the type of people I'd want in my business.

I have company, but I'll be back to spew more hate later

Friday, August 26, 2005

Dear, Haters

Fuck off.



I tell it exactly how it is through my eyes. If you don't like it, get the fuck out. You're not changing my opinion.

At least dawn had the common courtessy to post her email address so I could talk directly to her.

Oh, and if any other ladies think I'm shallow because I want there to be an element of physical attraction with the girls I date then that's just sick. I should have to date and be happy with girls that are not attractive to me at all just so I don't get called shallow? Or maybe I could keep that to myself and not post it on my personal blog?

And don't tell me about inner beauty. I've met a lot of wonderful people, but... I"ll put it this way... I'd take a bogey in looks, but I'm looking at triple bogey week in and week out.

And if you girls can date guys who's bodies make your skin crawl then more power to you, but WTF are you doing to yourself?

Anyways, now I'm angry and late for work... thanks a lot, dawn.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

LOL @ girls

BTW, in a lil follow up to my previous review of eharmony, I pushed someone without a picture to send one by saying the words, "I'd love to see what you look like, here's my email address" and she replied by closing the match with the reason, "I'd rather not say."

I think she did me a favor.

Dear, Rav

I posted this as a comment and decided to stretch it out to a post. Rav commented on my last post about how I said I couldn't afford gas to drive 200 miles every time I see someone and how that made me unqualified to handle people's money as a financial consultant. I have to make one more point before I copy it here, if I'm dating a girl that I really like I want to see her all the time. I'd love to stop by a couple times a week and have her stop by here from time to time, but when it costs 100 bucks a trip and takes 4 hours of drive time it just gets pricy and difficult. Anyways, here's his comment and mine back:

Rav said...
First time here, but sheesh....I read:

How do you tell a girl who you like that you can’t afford the gas to come see her when you’re a fucking financial consultant? It makes me feel awkward and useless.

FOLLOWED BY:

"are you an investor?" "not interested." That wasn't the fucking question, asshole! If I had asked "Are you intersted in ______" and you said, "not interested" then it's bad grammar, but acceptable. But, if I ask, "are you an investor?" and you say, "not interested" you're not answering the proper question, you fucking idiot! Why don't you just listen? Why don't you give me a chance? I'm really way over qualified to deal with the people I'm calling. They think I'm selling magazines and I'm calling to offer them freedom from financial doubt.

I've always thought there is nothing more hilarious than those who take advice on how to get rich from people who aren't.

Hint, ...when you want to learn how to do something successfully learn from those who are already successful at what you want to accomplish.

Your first comment quoted above shows deep down you realize that as well.

It's unfair to deride others for not giving you a chance to teach them to go someplace you haven't gotten your own self to yet.

While I can understand your frustration, sales calls are a tough way to make a living,...

to borrow your phrase, "fucking idiots" might just as well define those who would risk their hard earned assets taking financial advice from someone who can't even afford gas for their car!

NJX70 said...

Rav, I thank you for your well thought out response, but I do have an answer to your statement questioning why someone would take advice from someone who is not rich. I'm deep in debt from college loans. I went to Fairfield Univestity's business school which is one of the most respected business schools in the country. I can't have a ton of money when I was smart enough to refinance my college debt at a much lower rate but with much higher monthly payments.

Also, I am young, but I am very well trained. I can tell you anything you'd like to know about investing (in a general sense seeing as making investment suggestions to someone who you don't know well enough to know what's appropriate and what's not is against the law). I just dont' have the money myself to do it. I know what I would do if I had it, but I'm new to a commission only business that takes years to get started.

I wish I could give you an example of things I can do for my clients. I can, but I have to keep it very general. I have guys who need income during retirement, so I conservatively allocate a fixed income portfolio to meet their income needs while taking their risk tolerance and investment experience into account. I have young parents who I help save for their children's education so they don't get trapped under debt like I am. I'm an AAMS designee which is recognized by the CFP (college for financial planning) and required 160 hours of classroom time.

I think my financial status gives me a huge advantage. I know how important every dollar is. I know that it's not ok to throw people's money around. I'm very good at what I do and I've blown people away with my knowledge and expertiese. I've brought over clients from brokers with 30+ years of experience just by being attentive to their needs where more experienced guys just want to churn them for the quick buck.

I do understand where you're coming from, but if you think things like paying yourself first and dollar cost averaging are less important because they are coming from someone who's digging himself out of a massive college loan debt and living on his own while starting out in a career that he's dreamed about since he was a kid than you're crazy.

If you'd like to hear what I'm all about then email me. I would have loved to email you to hear what you're all about just to help myself get ready for the people like you out there that are tough to impress. Obviously this isn't a place that I try to portray myself in a simply business sense. This is where I'm free to talk in my language and give out my feelings on things that are happening in my life. Yes, I drive a truck with a 32 gal tank that goes about 200 miles before it needs another 100 bucks worth of gas. Yes, some of the girls I've been hanging out with are over 100 miles away. Yes, I'm being very careful with the little money I have so I don't end up with poor credit and nowhere to live.

Again, the offer is there. If you'd like to chat via email my address is xxx or you can AIM me at xxx. whichever you prefer. I also use MSN messenger from time to time with my hotmail address as the contact.

I always welcome any critisim I can get because it makes me better.

Oh, and the people who say "not interested" when all you've said is, "are you an investor, and if so, are you open to new ideas from time to time?" then they aren't listening. They don't care what you can do. I could be a billionaire with a trillion dollars under management. I could be Mario Gabelli or Warren Buffet and they still wouldn't care. If they hear me out, and they tell me the truth, even if it's "I don't invest and I'm not looking to" or if they say, "I am an investor, but I have a guy working for me that I trust and I'd never work with anyone else" than that's FINE! I just want them to answer the question that is asked. I don't press, I don't fight, I just want to get the people on the phone who have an interest and will listen. Beyond that, I'll leave them to their own devices.

And, I CAN help them. I can take into account where they are now, what their goals are, what their risk tolerance and investment experience is, and put together a plan that will get them there (or let them know where they can go with who they are and what they have). I work for the best company in the business and I know for a fact what I do is better than 90% of brokers out there. I just need to find a better way to get in front of people to prove it to them.


Oh, and by the way, I have a 100% close rate. Every single person I've sat down with has opened an account that day. I've impressed them that much.

Again, I thank you for your comment and hope this site has entertained you enough to come back and read what I have to say.

For every...

Friday there's a Monday. I don't know why I keep getting all fake deep on myself when I think of lines like that. It's not the fact that things like the earth's roation around the sun and the calendar progression are unstoppable forces in our lives, it's that every once and a while lines like, "there's always tomorrow" and "When we get through this we'll laugh about it later" really hit home. They never used to. When I'd hear people say shit like "life goes on" it would just piss me off. Now, I'll be standing in my kitchen heating up BBQ chicken from this weekend and I'll realize it's dark. Then my stupid train of thought which can't seem to find a track will snap to "holy shit it's dark allready? And look how little I did this afternoon, too bad I can't turn back time and... holy shit... you can't turn back time... and every day is as insignificant as the last and the next... and no matter how much you do or don't do you change nothing... Why do I even bother? What reason is there to try to make an impact on the world when something so simple as when I turn on the lights is out of my controll? Why does my head say stay up and type an entry when it knows my body won't makt it to work on time if I don't go to bed? Why do I have to give up my summertime activities once September rolls around? I haven't played golf and have only been to the driving range once this summer... when am I going to fit it in? Will everything ever work itself out at work? What does it matter?


DING!

Take out the chicken. Enjoy chicken. Back to the internets. Retarded psudo intellectual inner dialogue terminated.

But seriously, folks, The reason I wrote this is because on Friday I made a ton of really top knotch contacts with people that could, in all honesty, make my career if I can show them that I will take care of them properly. I know in my heart that I will do the best job possible and that they will not get any better advice, service, or understanding from any other financial consultant out there. I just need the opportunity to sit down in front of them.

Then there's today... 204 dials, aprox. 50+ contacts, ZERO cards going out. I got smashed. And for every "Friday" there's a "Monday" and for every day that I feel like this job is starting to turn the corner there is another day that I just want to *bite someone's face. "are you an investor?" "not interested." That wasn't the fucking question, asshole! If I had asked "Are you intersted in ______" and you said, "not interested" then it's bad grammar, but acceptable. But, if I ask, "are you an investor?" and you say, "not interested" you're not answering the proper question, you fucking idiot! Why don't you just listen? Why don't you give me a chance? I'm really way over qualified to deal with the people I'm calling. They think I'm selling magazines and I'm calling to offer them freedom from financial doubt. By the end of today I wasn't begging anyone. I wasn't parrying objections, I wasn't using CPR. I was just letting the ones who were too stupid to realize if there was nothing I could do for them I would tell them that and send them on their way... or that I don't sell anything over the phone... or whatever. I just hate that type of person. It's like you're reaching your arm through the fense to put down a bowl of water for a dog dieing of thirst and he bites your hand and spills the water out all over the ground. I bet at first you'd still feel bad for the dog. You figure that your arm going into his territory gave him the right to be defensive. You also figure with how hard he's got it that you really can't blame him for handling the situation innapropriately. So, at first you don't get mad at the dog. Then you think about it for a second and realize that you were going out of your way to help the dog. You were doing something that was uncomfortable and difficult to make that dog's life better and he bit you for it. Just because he's not used to bowls being reached through the fense doesn't mean the water wouldn't still save his life. Once you realize how stupid and self destructive that dog has been. Once you stop making up excuses for the beast... you are pissed. That's how I feel cold calling. I get people who made all the mistakes a person could make with money. They live off social security and have nothing left (I barely believe half of them, but some are genuine). All it would have taken is one call to go through. One call where you open your mind for 5 minutes and hear how simple and affective this can all be. Little sacrafices for huge long term rewards. By that time it's too late. Once you have nothing but your 3 grand a month coming in from the government, you're finished. But the people I talk to who are 10... 15.. 20 years from retirement(with young children who I'm sure will want to go to college) that simply don't listen to a word I have to say are just sad. They will end up just like the old and poor people. Why work so hard the first 65 years of your life to be confined to an apartment for the last 20 praying you find a way to cover your medical bills, let alone any vacations, trips to see family, or emergenices?

Let's just hope tomorrow's a "Friday"




*thank you lil Jimmy Norton. This line "bite someone's face" is a favorite of mine that I shamelessly stole from comedian and co-star of the hit national radio show "Opie and Anthony." You can catch him live from 7-11AM EST on High Voltage XM202.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

4 Month Review of Online Dating through eHarmony

First of all, ladies and germs, I am now typing my entries into word.  As long as my blogger for word add on works properly, you will no longer have to deal with my awful spelling.  

I have a burning in my chest from the feeding frenzy I was in yesterday that has transcended “heart burn.”  This fire is consuming my soul.  I guess when all you do for a whole day is eat BBQ and drink beer it does a number on you.  I don’t feel like moving at all.

But I have made a change today…

Today, my vengeance was swift and final.  Once the slaughter had begun, it was not stopping until I cut a swath clear through to the other side.  The body count is high, but it’s clear who won this war… nobody.  

If you are wondering what the fuck I did and this awful attempt at comedy didn’t clear it up, I’m fucking finished giving the “benefit of the doubt” to eharmony girls.  I’m sorry ladies, if you haven’t responded in a few weeks, you’re gone.  I don’t need 25,923,785,097 pages of girls who I will enjoy talking to and then not want to see in person a second time once we’re fact to face… 1 is fine.  This post will eventually become my official review of eharmony, online dating, ePeople, and my experiences for the past few months, but as I’m typing I’m closing out as many matches as I can.  I’m so sick of having requests to communicate out to the few good looking girls that come across eharmony to me only to have them be too pussy to just close it.  Then they just settle down to the bottom never to be heard from again.  Those are the good looking ones that DON’T close me out before I even see that they are there.  OK, I’m going to go slash and burn and come back and do this right.

All right, that’s better.  I just closed about 100 matches, but if you aren’t familiar with eharmony, this is how it works.  You take a long ass questionnaire that is supposed to establish who you would be compatible with.  Then the eharmony system matches you up with people who also took this test.  I receive on average 5 new matches a day.  Of those 5 matches, 2 won’t have pictures, 1 will be obviously not what I’m looking for, and 2 will be worth sending the first stage of communication to.  The first stage is 5 multiple choice questions.  The only problem at this point is that of those 5, there’s a good chance some of them aren’t members, they are just preliminary people who don’t get to respond until they ante up the cash.  Also, and this has happened so many times that I can’t even count, if the girl that I’m matched up with is a really good looking girl, chances are she’s going to close me out (stop the possibility of communication completely) before I even get to see that we’ve been matched up.  So that’s frustration point 1.  But then there are the people without pictures.  Maybe they just haven’t got them up yet.  There’s a good chance they are new and their pictures haven’t been cleared through eharmony yet and they will be up shortly, so I send them a request to communicate anyway.  

So now out of our 5 matches, I’ve closed one because I know that she’s not what I’m looking for, 2 have pictures and a profile I like, and 2 don’t have pictures.  Of the 2 that have pictures, one is beautiful and has closed me, so now we’re down to 3 matches, 1 of which has a picture.  So these 3 lucky ladies get my 5 multiple choice questions sent to them.  The next day I’ll sign on and see that 1 of them without a picture has closed me… reason?  “other.”  Not even the guts to check a box next to what they are really feeling.  They have several reasons why you close someone out that you could check.  They range from “I’d rather not say.”  To “Based on statements in his/her profile I’m not interested in pursuing this match.”  What do I get 9 times out of 10???  “other.”  So now out of the 5 ladies we started out with, only 2 are left.  1 with a picture, and 1 without.  

So, the next part of our getting to know you process is sending out “Must haves/Can’t Stands.”  This part is actually one of the better ways to see if you fit, but there’s a qualifier there too.  It’s the best part of the getting to know you process if the other person doesn’t just pick the easiest ones to explain.  You MUST pick 10 of each and there are about 100 choices.  They are things like, “Kindness:  I want my partner to be gentle and kind.”  “Family Life:  I want my partner to share a desire to have a family one day.”  Stuff like that.  But there are a bunch of them that are just basics that don’t really say anything.  Kindness being one of them.  There are a ton though.  A bunch of useless criteria that can be used as a place to hide.  I’ve actually had people that held very strong moral values that are clearly defined several times throughout the process just not say anything until I was face to face and realized that we were too different to get along.  Why not just say it?  When someone is honest and makes strong selections in their Must haves/Can’t Stands it paints a very clear picture.  So, at this point I have heard back from 1 of the girls and it’s been about 50/50 that it’s the one with the picture or without.  For this discussion, let’s say both of them are motivated enough to reply to all communications.  

Now we are down to 2 matches, one with, and one without a picture.  Both have similar profiles (and most girls barely put any effort into their profiles, so 50% of the time they aren’t even worth reading… but I’ll elaborate later) and they both have replied to my 5 questions and have received my MH/CS.  So now I read theirs.  Most times there is nothing of value in there because who doesn’t consider themselves good at conversation or kind?  Every so often someone will put something in there that shows me we are not compatible, but more often than not this is just a speed bump to the next stage, which is “Open Ended Questions.”  This stage is pretty self explanatory.  You have the option of selecting 3 questions from a list or writing 3 questions of your own.  I always write my own questions because I feel it shows that I’m an active part of this getting to know you process and not just some passerby.  So, I send my 3 questions.  You can write a substantial amount back to the sender if you’d like, but 1 out of 5 will just write incomplete sentences and send them back.  I put a lot of weight on this stage of the “relationship.”  I ask questions that I really think tell me the most important things that I can’t get out of the other stages, and one that is just to throw people off and see how they respond.  I feel strongly that if someone can impress me with the answers to those questions and avoid the “World Peace” answers I get 49 times out of 50 that they have something going for them.  I don’t want to give away my questions because I post a link to Another Waste of Time on my profile, but 1 is really hard and gets “World Peace” as an answer all the time.  1 is a factual question that gets a very basic answer most of the time as well.  The other one is my personality test.  How they answer the other question shows me a lot.  Of the 2 girls that we have left, one will grab my attention with something she’s said over the course of all these stages and one will avoid conflict and just give “world peace” as her answers.  Who is who doesn’t matter at this point.

Final stage of eharmony communication is “Open Communication” where you get a message from Dr. Neil Clark Warren giving you advice on how this stage works and the way he thinks you should behave.  I have only read it once, but I’ve seen it sooooo many times.  In this stage you use the eharmony messaging system to send emails to one another.  Seeing as I started communication to both of these girls, they are both required to send the first message.  Sometimes I’ll lose someone there, but not often.  I hold myself to a high standard of privacy or I’d post some of these first messages.  I get messages that consist of something similar to this all the time:

“Hi, NJX70 (misspell) glad we made it to this point.  Isn’t eharmony crazy with the questions?  So tell me about yourself.  Later!”

At this point they know a shit load about me and should have better questions than THAT pile of dog shit.  I am not much better, but I like to explain the stuff that’s not in my profile.  If this blog was a match that had gone this far I’d like to start out conversations like this:

“Hey, AWT, I really enjoyed reading your responses to my questions and thank you for following through to this point.  

I figured now would be a good time to fill some of the gaps in the messaging process.  First of all, I love rock and roll.  Zakk Wylde is my favorite musician and has been for a long time.  I have to give rock and roll my title of “favorite” but I like any music that makes me feel something.  There is no other way that I pick what I like.  If I listen to it and really feel something then it stays on the playlist.

I just moved into Morristown in May, but I grew up in Kenvil (Roxbury) and know Morris County very well.  I love it here and look forward to a long and happy life in lil old NJ.  I’ve lived in a few different states and several places in NJ and this is where I am the most happy.  My friends are all close, my family is closer, and I’m a 5 minute drive from the office.  

So what made you choose eHarmony?  How has it worked out for you?  

Well, I just thought I’d give you something to work with on YOUR first email seeing as I know how hard it is to find something meaningful to say right off the bat.

-NJX70(spelt properly)”

See the difference?  Who gives a shit what I listen to?  Know what that is?  A conversation starter.  It does say a little bit about who I am that I love rock, but what’s most important is that she has training wheels for her first message.  I invariably get messages after that like, “I have never heard of Zakk Wylde.  I like BLA BLA BLA” but it gives us something to talk about.

Of the 2 girls, we know one has a picture, and one does not.  For simplicity purposes we have not mentioned that they can decide which part of the process their picture shows up… and they can.  The default settings are after MH/CSs and that’s not so bad, but I still like a girl who shows her picture right off the bat.  Some girls won’t show their pictures until open communication and some will only show their picture on a case by case basis.  This wastes both of our time and makes the closing more painful.  When you have enjoyed conversation with someone for a week and then get a picture of a girl that is absolutely NOT what you are looking for and you close the match it makes you feel like a creep and lets her know that the only reason you closed the match was because she wasn’t up to your standards of appearance.  I’ve never felt shallow in my life until I joined this site.

Here’s where things get interesting.  

So now we are going to talk about each match individually.  First, the one with a picture.  She has been going through all this and has done a nice job every step of the way.  She’s local and seems very nice.  I like her pictures, but she only has 2 and they are dark.  One is close up to her face and the other one is a group of friends with her standing behind 3 people.  She has a pretty face.  There is nothing that I can see that would be any problem what so ever.  She’s pretty and fun to talk to.  Why wouldn’t I want to move this forward?  So at this point I give her my real email in a message and tell her that I don’t like communicating through eharmony due to the shitty server it’s on and the time consuming nature of the site.  She will then send me an email to my email address and we’ll start talking that way.  After a few emails I like to give out my number.  Not because I want her to call me, but without fail, she’ll give me her number.  So then I call her up, and we talk.  Of the 10 or so girls I’ve gone this far with, only 1 or 2 haven’t been fun to talk to.  At this point I like to get out a few facts that have to be OK with her like that I’m addicted to video games, I’m a nerd, I’m not good at the whole dating thing, I own guns (none at my apartment, but my dad and I used to shoot clays and destroy cans together all the time), I have a sick sense of humor, I like to drink, etc.  Just some stuff that I do that sometimes causes tension.  If the conversations go well, I will try and set up a time for a meeting.  In this case, girl is cool with meeting up for dinner on Friday night.

Friday comes along, I have everything ready to go, I double check her profile, pictures, emails, everything so I don’t say anything stupid, and drive out to see her.  This is going to make me sound like a creep, but I don’t care.  With a few exceptions, I’ve not been attracted to any of them.  Why in God’s name, would you post pictures of your face, you in a crowd, you so far away from the camera that you can’t tell what you look like, or so small that you can’t see anything at all only to turn out to be 50lbs overweight?  I’m no slender reed, but I take care of myself.  I don’t have high standards, but I’m still not happy with what I’ve been running across.  Why would you do that to yourself?  Why are you so unhappy with yourself?  Why would you hide who you are to trick someone into meeting you?  

So here I am.  I’m sitting across a table from a girl who I can’t picture naked, and that’s my only criteria.  If I can picture a girl naked, then she’s in.  If I can’t, then she’s out.  Most of the problem I’m running across is weight.  Again, I don’t have a lot of ground to stand on when it comes to weight, and I know it’s a double standard, but that’s just the way I operate.  I won’t be happy with someone I’m not attracted to, so I won’t waste her time or my time.  So now I’m trying my worst to find something visually to hold onto.  I’ve enjoyed talking to her, she makes me laugh, she’s a fun girl to have around, but I can find nothing physically to keep me interested.  I sit there with a pain in my stomach because I know what’s going on and it makes me feel shallow and stupid.  I’m having a wonderful conversation with someone who shares a lot in common with me and who enjoys my company but all I want to do is do my Kool-Aide man impression and run through a wall.  Now the night goes on and we’re at a second destination and I can tell she wants to be kissed.  I don’t want to do anything more than what I’ve done and I’m frantically trying one last time to get used to the idea of  her appearance…. But I can’t.  I awkwardly get back into my truck, or drop her off, or whatever and drive home.  I put in my earpiece, and make the calls.  “Dude, she looked nothing like her picture.  I really like her a lot.  She’s exactly what I’m looking for, but I can’t be happy with someone who I am not attracted to in the least.”  It’s the same story over and over and over again and I’m tired of it.  

NEXT.

Now we get to the one without a picture.  When we left her we were freshly in Open Communication and I have to send the first message.  This is where strategies change.  My first message is normally nothing of substance.  It goes like this:

“Hey, AWT, I have enjoyed your answers to my questions.  Especially the open ended ones.  You seem like a real cool person.  I’d love to see what you look like, and don’t like communicating through eharmony any longer than I have to, so here’s my email address.  That way we can kill 2 birds with one stone.”

Then I get an eHarmony message back.  “I just sent you an email to your email address.”

Huzzah!  Success!  Now all I have to do is go punch up her picture and I’ll have a better idea of where I want to take this…. Wait…. She didn’t send a picture.  

“Hey, Issac (not spelt properly) I don’t like eHarmony messages either, I’m glad you gave me your email.  This weekend I’m bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla.

Oh, and I don’t have any pictures on this computer.  I am using my work laptop and I only have pictures on my home computer which is at my parents’ house while I search for a desk.  [alternate 1] I am not good with computers and I have a friend who’s going to help me with the pictures.  Once I figure out how to send them I will.  [alternate 2] I don’t have any pictures on this computer.  I’ll get a friend to send me some and will get them over to you.  [alternate 3]  bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla (notice the lack of mentioning the picture)”

Now, there’s a problem.  I don’t want to press the picture thing.  I give every girl the benefit of the doubt and don’t really want to be like, “send me a picture so I know you’re not ugly or 100lbs overweight or this conversation is over” only to find out she’s exactly what I’m looking for and really doesn’t have pictures on this computer, really is bad with computers, really is waiting for them to be emailed over, etc.  Now it’s time for some covert ops.  Next email gives her my AIM screen name.  When I catch her on AIM I’ll immediately direct connect to her and start sending pictures.  I try to get pictures of myself doing something at least once a week so I have some relevant reason for sending them.  So now she’s getting a bunch of pictures from me and should get the hint that I want pictures of her.  You can see what’s coming.  I’ve been talking to this chick for about a week, I’ve given her my email and AIM name, and now I finally see what she looks like.  Vast majority of the time these pictures show me that I no longer want to keep up with this match.  A couple times it’s worked out that they were in fact very pretty.  One is hopefully still a prospect, one was a failed date due to conflicts in moral standings.  Now you can basically go back and read the first girl’s story again.  We go out, she’s not my type, I want to Kool-Aide man, repeat.

So here I am.  I’ve been doing this since May and I’ve had some fun dates with some really cool people… that I would never want to have physical relations with.  I am painting with a broad stroke because the exceptions are so far and few between, but so far it’s been a failed experiment.  At my age, and with where I live, there are endless places to hang out where if you’re a pretty girl you’ll find guys to talk to.  Why would a 24 year old who’s fun and beautiful have any problem being alone?  I was foolish enough to believe that there were more people like me out there that were decent looking (fuck you) and were just too busy with work or didn’t like the bar scene, or were out of the dating scene for a long time with a shitty relationship and weren’t sure of what to do than there were people who COULDN’T get dates because of what they look like or because of complexities in their character that held them back.  I was wrong.  I don’t know where to go from here.  I’m still taking eHarmony very seriously and trying to find cool people to hang out with because like anything, this is a numbers game.  The only problem is for every night I’m out with someone that I don’t want to spend time with I’m missing out on an opportunity to hang out with my boys and pick up girls the old fashioned way… in public, face to face.  

The final problem I have is so stupid and so fucking annoying that it makes me want to punch myself in the face.  Distance.  I have listened to The Good Doctor on his recommendations and have my net thrown out over 100 miles to catch every good girl out there.  I’ve met a few people that I’ve not been able to keep up with affectively because I simply can’t afford the drive.  I’m fucking broke.  It’s going to be a long time before I have money to burn and at that point we’re looking at $4 a gallon gas.  I also have dealt with long distance relationships before, and if I’m not 100% committed and if I’m not drawn magnetically to a girl who lives 1.5 hours away then it’s not going to happen.  There is at least one girl out there that I would make that drive for, but I can’t because I can’t afford it.  How do you tell a girl who you like that you can’t afford the gas to come see her when you’re a fucking financial consultant?  It makes me feel awkward and useless.  This problem is the most frustrating because if I could move them closer to me and I could see them on a Wednesday afternoon after work for a little while and then go home, or visit and watch TV for a few hours and then continue on my way without having to make plans 3 weeks ahead of time and put aside $100 or $200 bucks for the trip and not eat or not drive or not do anything for that whole time so I can afford it then that would be awesome.  

I’ve decided to not elaborate on the profiles, and I also don’t feel like finding the part where I say that I’m going to.  When I read this over, I’ll take it out, if I’m motivated.

So there you have it, ladies and germs.  That’s what I’ve been doing with my life.  I’ll keep fighting the good fight, but as a good AAMS designee I’m going to diversify my efforts to real life girls and not just eGirls so I can take advantage of market moves in different sectors without putting myself at any undue risk.

And if you are reading this and you are from eHarmony, so much for our connection, right?  Bah, I stink.    

Saturday, August 20, 2005

BBQ

I woke up at 10 this morning, sat down at the computer, checked my email, got a drink of water, and went back to bed... like a dumbass, so now I'm running late again... like always. The old man is throwing a BBQ with some serious ass food and a bunch of his buddies today, so Brad and I are going to go over and hang out. I was up mad late last night, so I feel like I'm hung over, but I only had 2 drinks and they were at 9pm.

The big story from this weekend (that I will share) so far has to be that I now have a copy of Sin City in my grimy lil mits. I'm a lil disapointed in the extra content on the DVD. I heard on imdb that it was going to have longer versions of all the stories that were shot in their entirety and then cut down for hollywood purposes. That is not the case. The movie is awesome, but I can just about GUARANTEE that I'm going to have to pick up some special directors cut, collectors edition, super special bla bla bla at a later date. Also according to imdb they have started work on Sin City 2 and 3. My favorite part of this movie was Marv's story, so I hope we get a shit load more marv (even though circumstances in this movie seem to make it difficult for him to become a reoccuring character). Actually... that's one of those be careful what you wish for moments. I love his story as is. If they do the now popular prequil, then maybe I'll get into it, but there's something about his story that really gives me shivers to this day.

Oh well, phone ringing, probably my folks seeing if I'm on my way. I gots to get going.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Too busy to think of entertaining stuff myself so I just stole a funny pic and made it a new post for you all to enjoy while I contribute nothing

Monday, August 15, 2005

The one person

There is someone at my office who has the job of helping everyone and makeing sure we all do well. He's told us rookies that he will help us any way he can. Then I go and ask a question and get smashed for 20 minutes. I had to get out for a few, so here I am bitching about it to you.

Had to pick up my check, now to the bank. At least I'm still getting paid.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

LOLZ THE INTERNETS

OK, it's Saturday afternoon, I did nothing last night but sit around and take part in serious nerdery on the internets, and it's not shaping up too good for tonight either. I am wiped out tired from a long week, and spent a shitty 3 hours at work today. On top of that I'm running out of food in the apartment and am trying to strech out my supplies as long as possible before I go back to the food store.

I have serveral people I've ignored these past few weeks because I've been trying my damnedest to get my shit together at work. I appologize, and if you're reading this, you probably were never that dissapointed to begin with. This job is going to be such a major part of my life. I don't know how long it's going to be until I'm able to get a round of golf, or a day off, or leave early, or anything and that sucks, but at least I know I'm going through what everyone goes through and eventually I'll be set for life.

I'm trying to get some energy up to get something planned for this evening, but I don't know if it's going to happen. Maybe I'll call Cousin Fil and see if he wants to hit grasshopper tonight. Bah, I'm so tired. Why did I stay up so late playing video games and watching TV last night??? I knew I had to go to work this morning.

Whatever, I'm lacking any creativity and any stories I'd like to tell are confidential... besides some guy had me read him the time and date when I called him and then cursed me up and down for calling him on a saturday. I told him I couldn't reach him all week and I tried all hours of hte day and night and he proceded to continue to scream, I told him to stop being so childish, I was only going to make a 5 min or less call, but now if he told me he wanted to invest a billion dollars I wouldn't take him as a client. He goes, "OH YEAH???" and I hung up on him.

I get a hot lead like that about once or twice a day. Eh, shit happens.

later

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Another great weekend

OK, ladies and germs, here's the weekend in review. Friday night I didn't want to do anything but kick back on my recliner and rock out on xbox live. I really needed to go into work for a while on saturday, so I didn't want to go gallavanting all over the US of mother fucking A all night. I got some great games of Delta Force: Black Hawk Down in and had a good relaxing night.

Saturday is where the fun starts. I finished a quick review of BHD on my other site http://thesixsidedringoffire.blogspot.com and went down to monmouth to attend a benefit for a dude who has cancer. Let me just tell you, I heart benefits. It was 20 bucks, I got a T shirt, and I got wasted. Great fucking party. I spent most of it between flip cup and drinking in the pool. Strada brought a lady friend who could bench 250lbs, and I was impressed. All the young Beav Alumni were there and we shot the shit, drank a ton of miller lite, and swam in the pool. After all the awesomeness I spent the night at Strada Bones's house and woke up to a breakfast fit for a king. Oh, and we raised over 3 grand for the dude with cancer. Dude had most of his leg bones removed and replaced with titanium bones. I think that is badass, btw. if it wasn't for the having cancer thing, that's a cool story. Leave it to JJ to throw a jam for a great cause and have it work out to a T. That kid is the master of designing and executing plans.

Today I spent the morning with the Boneses and drove home with Black Label Society as loud as my speakers could handle it, windows down, sunshine in my face, awesome. I get home and get online to check and see if any of the ePeople I know have contacted me and I get a phone call. "yooooooooo whaaat areee you doin?" "nothing" "come to my house, BBQ." "on my way." And I was off. I went to Curtis the Slack Jawed Yokel's house and ate burgers and drank beers with some of my closest friends. This is where I got amazing news. I've been looking for a bike all summer, but I won't pay a ton and I'm not looking for much. I'd just like to find a big bike that will get me from A to B and give me experience riding. This is where AJ comes in. He tells me he has a friend with 2 triumph choppers he's looking to sell. One is raked and one is not. AJ wants the one that's not raked, and he's all about building the both of them up, so if I go in with him on the bikes and pay for the build up of my bike he'll teach me how to do it, supply the shop and the tools, and I'll end up with a 68 triumph chopper I basically am going to rebuild myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited I can't even tell you. He is going to set things in motion this week and see if he can get some pictures and whatnot over to me. We aren't picking the bikes up until he sells his GTO, so it's looking like a winter build and a spring first ride. I can't wait. It's exactly what I'm looking for. Here's a 68 Triumph that looks just like it (if I saw the pic on AJ's phone right):


I can't fucking wait.

Anyways, I have people to shoot, PSPs to take over, downed men who need assistance, so it's back to Somalia, xbox style.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Told you so, bitches

My high school english teacher, "Mr." Herb McCaffrey is now Kerri McCaffrey. Here is the proof.

Herb McCaffrey is now Kerri McCaffrey

I told all you fuckers he wasn't right. Every time someone called this dude a fag all the girls would hop up and get pissed. Told you those kids were a front. When his wife brought in his two kids one day he basically grabbed his kids and kicked her out the door and left her outside. That's when I knew.

Him running up behind me and hugging me with the words, "guess who!" when I visited the school after graduation was the nail in the coffin. Now he's got a fake vagina.

Great teacher, but I just wanted to make it clear that I called that shit out the second I saw this guy and I was slammed for "making fun of" everyone's favorite english teacher.

There ya go.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Hey, Heather

Just thought you'd find it funny that someone found there way to my lil slice of the internets by searching for ""Heather Fink" naked." I did a quick check and I'm ranked #4 for websites that contain ["Heather Fink" naked]. Enjoy that factoid.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

The alarm clock that was

I overslept yesterday and ended up going to work an hour late. It's not like I have set hours, but I should be in before 9 and leave after 7 (at least) every night. I freaked out, but whatever, I got an extra hour of sleep. I've said it here before, I never sleep through my alarm. NEVER. I'll hit snooze a few times and get up, but I'll NEVER sleep through it. That's why today when I opened my eyes and realized it was 1:30PM after going to bed at 11PM last night I realized that something was wrong. I set my alarm to go off in 1 minute and waited. Instead of the BEEP BEEP BEEP I got click click click. Sunday I dropped my clock twice and I guess that did it for the ol sleep ruiner. I got out of work late tonight, so I am going to sleep on my pull out bed in the living room tonight and use my computer as an alarm (downloaded a 20k file that plays an MP3 as an alarm about 5 years ago and have used it on and off ever since). I can't be going into work so fucking late. I did do well on the phones today, but it's just not good to show up at 2 and leave at 8. Just not enough gets accomplished.

I also got my fish home yesterday. Almost forgot to mention that.

digital mirror 016
There's Mao and Frank's new home by the door.

digital mirror 014
And there is the 10 gal tank sitting by my desk. I took a pic with a flash and it showed a ton of streaks that I haven't had the chance to wipe up yet, so I'll take a nice bright photo soon. Actually, I'll probably set up my webcam to broadcast that tank seeing as it's kinda cool and real close to my computer. I'll see.

OK, I'm off to go shoot some fools on Delta Force: Black Hawk Down because nothing blows off steam like knifing some sniper who's cutting your platoon to ribbons.