High Hopes
I did a lot of driving today, so of course I had a lot of time to think about ridiculous shit. Man, I didn't make it one sentence without cussing. Oh well. I was thinking about stuff that has disappointed me over the past few years and came to the conclusion that they were all due to high hopes that were so unrealistic that I was just setting myself up for failure. I was listed in a bunch of NFL draft reports so I didn't even get an agent and thought I was going to be drafted. Disappointment. I was nominated for the Pro Bowl of the NIFL and even though we went 3-11 I thought I was going to make it because I played all 3 line positions and let up only a handfull of sacks in game that is 90% passing. Disappointment. I ran into a bunch of my friends I haven't spoken to in years and gave out my stupid business card expecting at least an email in the upcoming week. Disappointment. I don't know why I thought the people I wanted to reconnect with would take time out of their schedules to contact me. I really shouldn't have been such a cocky bastard and had them punch numbers into MY phone instead of giving them a little piece of paper with a sprint logo and my contact info. I feel like such a nothing when stuff like this happens. I know for a fact that I would be emailing them if I had their emails, but I don't, so I can't. The reason I was thinking about all this was because O&A devoted over an hour to Jim Norton's awful weekend where he was faced with one crushing moment after another. I couldn't help but feel for the little fella when they were talking about how excited he was to meet celebrities who simply turned him down flat out for pictures. He loves those pictures and they would have only taken a minute of their time, AND he is a celebrity. I can't belive how much pain he was forced to go through over high hopes and disappointing results. If he went in there like he was worth it and had an attitude that he belonged and that he was going to get those pictures because to him they are just entertainers like himelf he would have been fine. Instead he was crushed because he approached them like gods and they treated him like he was ant and they were standing over him with a magnifying glass. I can't help but sympathize with him because that is how I feel on a smaller scale with a lot of things in my life. If I had received just one email from one person I gave my card out to in the past week I would be a smiling fool, but I didn't. I hope that changes, but I know what happens with business cards, receipts, etc when they become a few weeks old. I have been kicking myself for years over how I handled a few relationships and if giving out my card and not taking numbers was a mistake I'll be kicking myself all over again.
So, back to this morning, I drove into Fairview and cleared out my desk, picked up my computers, and went to Lodi to get my register hardware, just as I planned. Joe G was happy that things were moving along, but you can tell that all the spending he has been doing has taken a toll on his emotional state. He's either in that state where you are beyond worrying about stuff and just have to laugh or he's pissed. Today was one of the first days in a while where I felt comfortable around him in a week or so. He was happy and that makes everything run a bit more smoothly. I love working under extreme pressure because that is where I find my most satisfying results, but I really don't like when you don't know if you are going to be the next target of someone's tirade. I was basically worthless to the company for a couple months when it came to sales and the company as a whole wasn't doing the numbers we were accustomed to, so it was getting pretty stressful up until my store was delivered. I was working on website maintenance, ad design, and corporate accounts, all of which are long term projects that don't result in instant gratification. That made me feel like I was doing a lousy job even though I knew I was performing a valuable service. I just couldn't look in my sales folder and see more than a few stragglers that I got only because nobody else was around to answer the phone. That also made me feel like I was going to be the next target on Joe G's hitlist at any moment. A few times I was questioned and one time I was caught wasting time on the internet, but I was doing what I was supposed to be doing for the most part and really had nothing to worry about. The only reason I was worried was because I am a worrier. I don't know where that all started, but I never feel like I am doing a good job even when things are going great. I don't like people who talk down about themselves to dig for compliments, and that is not what I am EVER doing, but I just never know in my heart that I am doing well unless I hear it. Even then I have to read way into where the compliments come from and wonder if they were honest or if I really deserved it. For instance, this year I started 11 games for the Staten Island Xtreme of the NIFL. It's a small market arena football team that has since moved to NJ. I earned my starting job, was nominated for the pro bowl, and was named O-Lineman of the year, but I refused to tell anyone about my games because I never knew if I was doing a good enough job to warrant dressing at any given time and didn't want to have to tell my friends that I wasn't going to play once they already bought tickets and made plans to come see me. Anyways, now that I am out in PA the only things keeping me on my toes are the knowledge that what I am doing requires an extreme level of discipline/detail to work out and my basic desire to to well. I like it this way. I also like the fact that I have a target sales figure and that if I hit it I will know that I am doing a good job. It makes me feel better to know that I am doing well in quantitative ways because that way I have nothing to worry about.
So another shocking event happened tonight. The electrician didn't make it out to my store! Oh my God! I can't believe it! I had made plans to meet him at 6pm to show him what needs to be wired up and to set a time to have all the work done. Kevin, from L&L has been very busy with some "emergency" calls recently and I totally understand him not being able to make it tonight, but he should have called. If I had known I would be waiting until 8 for no reason I would have brought out the tools to finish hanging the door and would have brought in all my computer equipment. I decided that in order to make his job easier and to spare me double handling stuff I would leave my computers out in my truck until he saw what needed to be done. Now I have a truck load of computers and no power for another day. If he doesn't call me before the sun comes up tomorrow I am just going to hook everything up and make him move everything around to do his job. I am not going to let my schedule suffer because of slow utility work. I probably should have brought everything in tonight, but I got lazy because it was 8pm. I also had a very interesting set of pictures developed at the mall. I have been carrying around a couple disposable cameras in my truck since my spring break in panama city beach, FL 2 years ago and finally got them developed. What a nice treat on a Monday night. I will scan them into my computer and share them with my buddies and the world asap, but because of the stupid setup I have in my room I can't reach the scanner while sitting down and I don't feel like standing up all freaken night to get these done, so I will do it at my leisure. I also got a chance to try out my dream digital camera, the Cybershot by Sony. What an amazing piece of equipment! It's $500 bucks and requires a $75 memory card but comes with a $50 rebate. I have been all about buying a handgun which costs almost a grand and now have handled the $500 dollar camera that makes me drool. This vexes me... I'm vexed. I better sell a lot of phones. I be a simple pirate with sophisticated tastes. Yargh!
OK, that just reminded me. I am going to have to start giving credit where credit is due. A lot of my favorite lines have originated with my friends. My friends read what I write, so it's time I backtrack and give some Works Cited:
Puss in Boots, "I be a simple pirate with sophisticated tastes", If this is wrong than I don't want to be right ---- Pete aka The Boston Strangler aka Bearfucker.
I am having trouble remembering what I wrote that needs to be cited, but I will start giving background on the inside jokes that I bring up so that everyone gets their 15minutes of fame in my stupid blog.
Well, I have a lot of pics to scan and things to do, so I'm going to end this post here. Tomorrow I am going to have training vol. 2 with my employees and get the store 95% completed. Hopefully I'll be more motivated to write tomorrow.
oh, and I've been getting spelling complaints from people, so I'm going to actually spell check my posts now. Tonight it's not loading up for whatever reason, so you have to suffer through one more post with awful spelling, but from now on I will try and write like I actually graduated from middle school English.
So, back to this morning, I drove into Fairview and cleared out my desk, picked up my computers, and went to Lodi to get my register hardware, just as I planned. Joe G was happy that things were moving along, but you can tell that all the spending he has been doing has taken a toll on his emotional state. He's either in that state where you are beyond worrying about stuff and just have to laugh or he's pissed. Today was one of the first days in a while where I felt comfortable around him in a week or so. He was happy and that makes everything run a bit more smoothly. I love working under extreme pressure because that is where I find my most satisfying results, but I really don't like when you don't know if you are going to be the next target of someone's tirade. I was basically worthless to the company for a couple months when it came to sales and the company as a whole wasn't doing the numbers we were accustomed to, so it was getting pretty stressful up until my store was delivered. I was working on website maintenance, ad design, and corporate accounts, all of which are long term projects that don't result in instant gratification. That made me feel like I was doing a lousy job even though I knew I was performing a valuable service. I just couldn't look in my sales folder and see more than a few stragglers that I got only because nobody else was around to answer the phone. That also made me feel like I was going to be the next target on Joe G's hitlist at any moment. A few times I was questioned and one time I was caught wasting time on the internet, but I was doing what I was supposed to be doing for the most part and really had nothing to worry about. The only reason I was worried was because I am a worrier. I don't know where that all started, but I never feel like I am doing a good job even when things are going great. I don't like people who talk down about themselves to dig for compliments, and that is not what I am EVER doing, but I just never know in my heart that I am doing well unless I hear it. Even then I have to read way into where the compliments come from and wonder if they were honest or if I really deserved it. For instance, this year I started 11 games for the Staten Island Xtreme of the NIFL. It's a small market arena football team that has since moved to NJ. I earned my starting job, was nominated for the pro bowl, and was named O-Lineman of the year, but I refused to tell anyone about my games because I never knew if I was doing a good enough job to warrant dressing at any given time and didn't want to have to tell my friends that I wasn't going to play once they already bought tickets and made plans to come see me. Anyways, now that I am out in PA the only things keeping me on my toes are the knowledge that what I am doing requires an extreme level of discipline/detail to work out and my basic desire to to well. I like it this way. I also like the fact that I have a target sales figure and that if I hit it I will know that I am doing a good job. It makes me feel better to know that I am doing well in quantitative ways because that way I have nothing to worry about.
So another shocking event happened tonight. The electrician didn't make it out to my store! Oh my God! I can't believe it! I had made plans to meet him at 6pm to show him what needs to be wired up and to set a time to have all the work done. Kevin, from L&L has been very busy with some "emergency" calls recently and I totally understand him not being able to make it tonight, but he should have called. If I had known I would be waiting until 8 for no reason I would have brought out the tools to finish hanging the door and would have brought in all my computer equipment. I decided that in order to make his job easier and to spare me double handling stuff I would leave my computers out in my truck until he saw what needed to be done. Now I have a truck load of computers and no power for another day. If he doesn't call me before the sun comes up tomorrow I am just going to hook everything up and make him move everything around to do his job. I am not going to let my schedule suffer because of slow utility work. I probably should have brought everything in tonight, but I got lazy because it was 8pm. I also had a very interesting set of pictures developed at the mall. I have been carrying around a couple disposable cameras in my truck since my spring break in panama city beach, FL 2 years ago and finally got them developed. What a nice treat on a Monday night. I will scan them into my computer and share them with my buddies and the world asap, but because of the stupid setup I have in my room I can't reach the scanner while sitting down and I don't feel like standing up all freaken night to get these done, so I will do it at my leisure. I also got a chance to try out my dream digital camera, the Cybershot by Sony. What an amazing piece of equipment! It's $500 bucks and requires a $75 memory card but comes with a $50 rebate. I have been all about buying a handgun which costs almost a grand and now have handled the $500 dollar camera that makes me drool. This vexes me... I'm vexed. I better sell a lot of phones. I be a simple pirate with sophisticated tastes. Yargh!
OK, that just reminded me. I am going to have to start giving credit where credit is due. A lot of my favorite lines have originated with my friends. My friends read what I write, so it's time I backtrack and give some Works Cited:
Puss in Boots, "I be a simple pirate with sophisticated tastes", If this is wrong than I don't want to be right ---- Pete aka The Boston Strangler aka Bearfucker.
I am having trouble remembering what I wrote that needs to be cited, but I will start giving background on the inside jokes that I bring up so that everyone gets their 15minutes of fame in my stupid blog.
Well, I have a lot of pics to scan and things to do, so I'm going to end this post here. Tomorrow I am going to have training vol. 2 with my employees and get the store 95% completed. Hopefully I'll be more motivated to write tomorrow.
oh, and I've been getting spelling complaints from people, so I'm going to actually spell check my posts now. Tonight it's not loading up for whatever reason, so you have to suffer through one more post with awful spelling, but from now on I will try and write like I actually graduated from middle school English.
posted by NJX70 at 10:11 PM
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