Recovering
I titled the last post Zero Month because that is what I'm in right now. It's a company term for whatever's left over of the month you finished training that gets counted into your next month's production numbers. We have a full 5 days to open accounts that will go onto July (month 1). Not that I think I'll be closing mad accounts next week, but that's what they tell us.
Anyways, let's talk a bit about St.Louis. No issues with missing flights this time. I did fine and actually was smart enough to get a ride to the airport this time instead of leaving my truck there for 2 weeks. Brad drove me over and I was at the terminal about 2 hours before the flight boarded. It was a great relief after the last fiasco I went through.
Helder got to EWR about 45 minutes after I did and we just bullshitted and speculated until our flight.
Flight landed 40 minutes EARLY! Who the hell expects to get in EARLY? We learned our lesson with the shuttle and decided to just drop the extra $5 and get a cab. Same hotel, same floor, across the hall from the old room. Got myself some Papa Johns pizza, hooked up my xbox (yes, I brought my xbox on my business trip) and went to sleep.
Then the fun started.
I don't want to go into great detail, but here we go. There were only 2 speakers all week. There was Overexcited Sales Guy and Investment Nerd. After you've been sitting in a classroom for 10 hours a day for 3 weeks listening to presentation after presentation after presentation (all with accompanying story names) it gets hard to be excited about hearing ANYTHING.
Day 2 we were supposed to present a financial plan to a fake customer in our breakout group. I figured it was no big deal so I spent the afternoon playing videogames and eating cold pizza. I was called on to go first the next morning and I had to get in front of the group, on camera, and present a financial plan that I had not prepared and then be evaluated by my trainer who reports directly to my boss. fuck. I felt good about it, but I was told otherwize by Chuck (my trainer) because I didn't use the proper format. I got pissed because he started talking about "not signing off on me" for graduation if I couldn't prove that I knew the correct format to a T. We had another presentation the next day, so I wrote out a specific script, word for word what we had heard in an example video, and without any wavering from said script I rattled off a passive aggressive attack on Chuck. It was possibly the worst presentation ever. I knew it. He knew what I was doing. I was trying to prove that if I went the other way and did everything exactly as it was presented without allowing any of myself to show through that it would suck ass. I did that very well, but now I had started the rumor mill. Everyone wanted to know why I hated chuck, what I did to piss off all the trainers, why I was so angry, etc. I wasn't angry. I was being a stubborn child and proving a point.
So now I was going back to my room tired and frustrated every night. I hate being in class to begin with, but now that I wasn't doing well it was making it even worse. I didn't want to be out there, I didn't want to go to bed on time, I didn't want to wake up early. That room I was in felt like a jail cell and there was nothing I could do to get out of it. I felt just like I did in college football camp. That feeling that you are cows walking to slaughter. That feeling that no matter what you know is going to happen and how much you are going to hate the outcome you still wake up, put on your gear, and do it because you have no choice. I started losing sleep. I couldn't wake up. I couldn't eat. I felt fat, lazy, and stupid. I just wanted something to break up the monotony that wouldn't make my sleep situation worse and wouldn't get me in trouble. I tried playing a ton of xbox, but that wasn't doing it either. I couldn't escape.
Later in the week we finally got to the fun part. We started calling real people and proposing real products and doing real things that will have real results. I did very well. I got a lot of nasty people on the phone, but the nice ones more than made up for any bullshit I got from the haters. I was laughing and feeling relaxed and happy again. I was doing what I know I do well and it was showing in everything. I was putting up numbers that were right inline with what I should have been doing and it was great. But we had one more presentation to go. I did my homework and was ready to go, but I wasn't picked for day 1. Day 2 of final presentations I walk in... and Chuck is not there. He's out with a sick kid at home and Tracy is there to look over our presentations. Tracy and I have had our slight differences. She always thinks I'm angry and I always think she hates me. That's about how it goes. After she actually sat down and talked with me for a while and she told me she had never seen me smile I realized that the typical NJX70 problem of being scary and distant looking even when I feel awesome is still there. I don't try to look distant and scary, but even middle aged sales trainers see it, so I guess I need to work on it. Anyways, the presentation was a home run and I proved myself as one of the best salesmen in our 43 member group (in my not so humble opinion). It felt real. I was presenting a product I feel very strongly about and really made it sound as good as I feel it is. Conversation felt natural and smooth. I did it. Chuck wasn't there. Over the course of the week chuck and I made up, but it really was never a fight. It was the Cold War of St. Louis.
I hung out a lot with a group of people I met out there. Billy and Steve from rochester, C. Whitney from Ithica, Christy from Alabama, Awesome Dan's Evil Twin Sean from Texas, and various others. It was really good to see them all again. It's wierd how sharing difficult situations brings you close to people who you've never met before and probably won't see again for a long long time. If any of you are reading this... what can I do for you, TOday... and I'm going to miss you guys... but not enough to go back to st.louis for any reason anytime soon.
I have some great pictures from this adventure, and I'll post them to my flickr stream and put one or two good ones up here.
I also felt something that was strange. I felt very alone. I'm not talking privacy alone, I'm talking who in this world knows I'm gone alone. People were calling me to see what I was up to and I was like, "dude, I'm in St.Louis on an important business trip I've been talking about for 18 weeks." "Oh." Then I started feeling this sickning feeling of "I'm alone out here and want to call that special person and tell her how much I miss her because she's what's getting me through these hard times" but there was nobody special who's getting me through these hard times. Breaking up with someone is like taking your favorite book and putting painful memories on sticky notes throughout the book. The parts you read on a regular basis have allready had the notes taken care of, but as you go ahead and read parts you haven't seen in a long time you run accross other notes. I don't know when I'll have all the stupid notes out of my book, but every time I do something "new" I get a memory or a feeling that hurts. Actually, hurts is the wrong word. More like I get a new feeling. This time it was me trying to fall back on a loved one for support when I was just feeling alone and shitty, but I had to do it myself. It's been a long time since that was the case and it was a trapping feeling. It was like losing the TV remote and having no idea how to change channels without it. Sure, it can be done, but you've never had to before and now you're stuck watching infomertials when The Contender is on because you're afraid to try.
This is the same feeling I got when I was riding down 287 with the windows down and the radio blasting as the sun went down and I wanted to just reach out and share how happy I was. I used to call her, but I had nobody to call. Trapped. Now that I've experienced many beautiful nights and many happy rides in The Red Dragon I don't even blink. I enjoy it for myself. Now that I've been away from home and feeling lonely the next time I'll be fine, but those sticky notes keep showing up in places I've not been since she left me.
One night was different. I talked to someone that made all the bullshit fade into the background and it felt great. Not every person has that affect on me. I'm glad she's in my life. Sometimes I wonder... nah...
So I get back on my plane and leave for new jersey. I'd never been so happy to see the turnpike in my life. It felt so good to be home. My apartment is a disaster with clothes and bullshit all over the place. Everything was a mess from packing and now it's double messed up from unpacking. Today is koWALA's graduation party, so I have some shit to get done around here (including my laundry which is probably half dried sitting in the washing machine...) but here are some highlights:
Getting a picture with CEO Bob Bagby
24oz PBRs at the blues bar
Crawdads and raw oysters
Tracy gets served by Bob Bagby
Big time Qualified
I'm too old for this shit
I can appreciate that
Walking through downtown St.L
Watching the wedding party at the arch
Singing drunks and 6'6" dudes in drag
The Other Bob
You can clean the sheets, but can you erase the memories?
Anyways, enough of the 13 year old girl inside joke list. I'm out.
Anyways, let's talk a bit about St.Louis. No issues with missing flights this time. I did fine and actually was smart enough to get a ride to the airport this time instead of leaving my truck there for 2 weeks. Brad drove me over and I was at the terminal about 2 hours before the flight boarded. It was a great relief after the last fiasco I went through.
Helder got to EWR about 45 minutes after I did and we just bullshitted and speculated until our flight.
Flight landed 40 minutes EARLY! Who the hell expects to get in EARLY? We learned our lesson with the shuttle and decided to just drop the extra $5 and get a cab. Same hotel, same floor, across the hall from the old room. Got myself some Papa Johns pizza, hooked up my xbox (yes, I brought my xbox on my business trip) and went to sleep.
Then the fun started.
I don't want to go into great detail, but here we go. There were only 2 speakers all week. There was Overexcited Sales Guy and Investment Nerd. After you've been sitting in a classroom for 10 hours a day for 3 weeks listening to presentation after presentation after presentation (all with accompanying story names) it gets hard to be excited about hearing ANYTHING.
Day 2 we were supposed to present a financial plan to a fake customer in our breakout group. I figured it was no big deal so I spent the afternoon playing videogames and eating cold pizza. I was called on to go first the next morning and I had to get in front of the group, on camera, and present a financial plan that I had not prepared and then be evaluated by my trainer who reports directly to my boss. fuck. I felt good about it, but I was told otherwize by Chuck (my trainer) because I didn't use the proper format. I got pissed because he started talking about "not signing off on me" for graduation if I couldn't prove that I knew the correct format to a T. We had another presentation the next day, so I wrote out a specific script, word for word what we had heard in an example video, and without any wavering from said script I rattled off a passive aggressive attack on Chuck. It was possibly the worst presentation ever. I knew it. He knew what I was doing. I was trying to prove that if I went the other way and did everything exactly as it was presented without allowing any of myself to show through that it would suck ass. I did that very well, but now I had started the rumor mill. Everyone wanted to know why I hated chuck, what I did to piss off all the trainers, why I was so angry, etc. I wasn't angry. I was being a stubborn child and proving a point.
So now I was going back to my room tired and frustrated every night. I hate being in class to begin with, but now that I wasn't doing well it was making it even worse. I didn't want to be out there, I didn't want to go to bed on time, I didn't want to wake up early. That room I was in felt like a jail cell and there was nothing I could do to get out of it. I felt just like I did in college football camp. That feeling that you are cows walking to slaughter. That feeling that no matter what you know is going to happen and how much you are going to hate the outcome you still wake up, put on your gear, and do it because you have no choice. I started losing sleep. I couldn't wake up. I couldn't eat. I felt fat, lazy, and stupid. I just wanted something to break up the monotony that wouldn't make my sleep situation worse and wouldn't get me in trouble. I tried playing a ton of xbox, but that wasn't doing it either. I couldn't escape.
Later in the week we finally got to the fun part. We started calling real people and proposing real products and doing real things that will have real results. I did very well. I got a lot of nasty people on the phone, but the nice ones more than made up for any bullshit I got from the haters. I was laughing and feeling relaxed and happy again. I was doing what I know I do well and it was showing in everything. I was putting up numbers that were right inline with what I should have been doing and it was great. But we had one more presentation to go. I did my homework and was ready to go, but I wasn't picked for day 1. Day 2 of final presentations I walk in... and Chuck is not there. He's out with a sick kid at home and Tracy is there to look over our presentations. Tracy and I have had our slight differences. She always thinks I'm angry and I always think she hates me. That's about how it goes. After she actually sat down and talked with me for a while and she told me she had never seen me smile I realized that the typical NJX70 problem of being scary and distant looking even when I feel awesome is still there. I don't try to look distant and scary, but even middle aged sales trainers see it, so I guess I need to work on it. Anyways, the presentation was a home run and I proved myself as one of the best salesmen in our 43 member group (in my not so humble opinion). It felt real. I was presenting a product I feel very strongly about and really made it sound as good as I feel it is. Conversation felt natural and smooth. I did it. Chuck wasn't there. Over the course of the week chuck and I made up, but it really was never a fight. It was the Cold War of St. Louis.
I hung out a lot with a group of people I met out there. Billy and Steve from rochester, C. Whitney from Ithica, Christy from Alabama, Awesome Dan's Evil Twin Sean from Texas, and various others. It was really good to see them all again. It's wierd how sharing difficult situations brings you close to people who you've never met before and probably won't see again for a long long time. If any of you are reading this... what can I do for you, TOday... and I'm going to miss you guys... but not enough to go back to st.louis for any reason anytime soon.
I have some great pictures from this adventure, and I'll post them to my flickr stream and put one or two good ones up here.
I also felt something that was strange. I felt very alone. I'm not talking privacy alone, I'm talking who in this world knows I'm gone alone. People were calling me to see what I was up to and I was like, "dude, I'm in St.Louis on an important business trip I've been talking about for 18 weeks." "Oh." Then I started feeling this sickning feeling of "I'm alone out here and want to call that special person and tell her how much I miss her because she's what's getting me through these hard times" but there was nobody special who's getting me through these hard times. Breaking up with someone is like taking your favorite book and putting painful memories on sticky notes throughout the book. The parts you read on a regular basis have allready had the notes taken care of, but as you go ahead and read parts you haven't seen in a long time you run accross other notes. I don't know when I'll have all the stupid notes out of my book, but every time I do something "new" I get a memory or a feeling that hurts. Actually, hurts is the wrong word. More like I get a new feeling. This time it was me trying to fall back on a loved one for support when I was just feeling alone and shitty, but I had to do it myself. It's been a long time since that was the case and it was a trapping feeling. It was like losing the TV remote and having no idea how to change channels without it. Sure, it can be done, but you've never had to before and now you're stuck watching infomertials when The Contender is on because you're afraid to try.
This is the same feeling I got when I was riding down 287 with the windows down and the radio blasting as the sun went down and I wanted to just reach out and share how happy I was. I used to call her, but I had nobody to call. Trapped. Now that I've experienced many beautiful nights and many happy rides in The Red Dragon I don't even blink. I enjoy it for myself. Now that I've been away from home and feeling lonely the next time I'll be fine, but those sticky notes keep showing up in places I've not been since she left me.
One night was different. I talked to someone that made all the bullshit fade into the background and it felt great. Not every person has that affect on me. I'm glad she's in my life. Sometimes I wonder... nah...
So I get back on my plane and leave for new jersey. I'd never been so happy to see the turnpike in my life. It felt so good to be home. My apartment is a disaster with clothes and bullshit all over the place. Everything was a mess from packing and now it's double messed up from unpacking. Today is koWALA's graduation party, so I have some shit to get done around here (including my laundry which is probably half dried sitting in the washing machine...) but here are some highlights:
Getting a picture with CEO Bob Bagby
24oz PBRs at the blues bar
Crawdads and raw oysters
Tracy gets served by Bob Bagby
Big time Qualified
I'm too old for this shit
I can appreciate that
Walking through downtown St.L
Watching the wedding party at the arch
Singing drunks and 6'6" dudes in drag
The Other Bob
You can clean the sheets, but can you erase the memories?
Anyways, enough of the 13 year old girl inside joke list. I'm out.
posted by NJX70 at 2:58 PM
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