Tuesday, December 13, 2005

In honor of my frustrations with the last post

I may be closing down this blog... or at least altering it a bit. This is me. This is what I'm like on the inside. It's what makes me tick. I say things I personally find funny because I can. I don't know, but I feel like I'm being scared by opinion to change the way I post here. Things have changed. This site doesn't make me happy like it did. When it used to be a great place for me to share how I feel, now it's a place where people form opinions based on what key my finger hit at 3am. The more I think about it, the more I hate this site.

I may just keep posting like nothing happened and make this a propaganda machine where I make myself look awesome and witty without cursing, being offensive, or talking about things that would be seen as nerd like. I'm tired of needing someone to talk to and posting here only to find that things I say help change opinions against me.

Turns out there's another waste of time for the list. Fuck the fucking list. I hate it. I'm telling all you mother fuckers right now... I'm going to have to take on a new name, new location, and tell you the whole story the way I see it without any editing, without worrying about feelings or conflicting stories. Not just today, but every fucking day of my life since I started posting the link to this site on my eharmony profile and advertized the blog.

This freedom of expression and free publication and free search and free adds and free this and free that has made getting here so easy that any asshole who knows my name can find me. The reality of that statement used to feel great. Now I feel trapped by it. Can I tell you why my cheaks are salty with that flaky crust on a monday night? NO, I CAN'T BECAUSE I WON'T DO THAT TO THE PARTIES INVOLVED. I also won't divulge things that I'm slowly letting people know. It started with the very inner circle and is working it's way out. I have things in motion that you're not going to see coming. I want to talk about it. In fact, it's all I've thought about for the past few months. I took step 1 and 2 today. Soon it won't matter who knows, but holy shit do I want to tell you guys everything. I can't. I don't want everyone to know. Just the people who need to know. Need to FUCKING know basis.

see all that anger? Some girl will come here to read what I'm all about and close a match tonight. It WILL happen. Am I going to take down the link? No. Because I want to see if a frustrated post at a low point really does make a difference.

If you know me you know what I'm really like. If you understood why I started posting here to begin with you'd know why I complain here. This is where I feel safe to complain. I'm not a complainer in person. I care about a lot of stuff and people in my life, but I need to come here to talk about things I am not going to call up my buddies with. But I have to give these stupid explanations because if I email someone, it's not hard to figure out how to get here, and they normally do.

So anyway, it was a good run. I'm tired of this blog. It is getting to the point where I can't say shit because I know people read it.

Here, I'll say this: nevermind. I just deleted what I wanted to say because I can't even post that.

I'll be working on setting something up that can't be tracked back to this site in the next 48 hours. I'm going to need it because there are a lot of things I want to talk about.

I will still post here, but welcome to the NJX70 Propaganda Machine.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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10:06 PM  

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