Quarter Century: What have I learned?
I took sleep study round 2 last night. I slept with a mask over my nose that would push air in when I took a breath and stop when I let it out. It was strange at first. I don't really want to talk too much about this, but I really want to mention it while it's fresh so it doesn't fall off the table like the awesome night I had in town with my friends last weekend. So, I had the mask on, and I realized that I definately need to brush my teeth and use mouthwash before using one. You take a deep breath and breath out and you'll smell your own breath when you breath back in. I wouldn't say my breath was bad, but it just smelled like hot breath being blown up my nose which was kinda gross. The other funny thing, and I'm not sure if it's the same for everyone because I've had my tonsils and adnoids out since I was 9, but when I'd open my mouth it was like a freaken wind tunnel. The hole between my nose and mouth didn't even try to stop the air from coming through if I opened my mouth to talk. It was weird as hell.
Result? I feel like a million fucking bucks right now. I don't know if it's because I went to bed before 9pm, I wore the cpap mask, or both, but I feel pretty good right now. I woke up pretty easily and without anyone waking me up. That hasn't happened in a long time. I guess we'll see what happens next.
As of today I've been on this earth for a quarter of a century.
I just went back and read my post from this time last year to try and get a grip on where I've been in the past 365. This time last year I was getting ready to build my kiosk. That is amazing to me. On my birthday last year I spent the whole day putting together a store out in PA. It's only been 1 year since that all happened? The store was staffed, built, and closed in under 1 year? Man, we failed hard.
So what has happened this year? I'm going to have to do some blog research, unfortunately I don't have exact dates, but I'm going to give when I wrote about it if you want to go back and read it yourself (oh boy):
Dec 1: Turn 24, build store
Dec 5: Saw Wicked with Ex, Feeders Christmas party
Dec 7: koWALA introduces me to booyah video
Dec 12: Ex throws me a supprize Birthday Party at my house
Dec 16: Met rapper Smiggz in Stroud.
Dec 20: Fight over Blog with Ex in full swing
Dec 23: Recconected with Heather (www.heatherfink.com. First sign of serious problems with Ex
Jan 3: Fights with Ex over blog escalating.
Jan 5: Fight with Ex results in me looking for a new job to be closer to her
Jan 10: Truck needs 10 Grand worth of work
Jan 15: Phone stolen as I'm on my way to Nyack to see Meet the Fockers with Brad, Carly, and Ex. Jumped out of a moving car to escape bad comedy
Jan 18: Job Faire, met Bill, applied to AG Edwards/Morgan Stanley
Jan 24: 3rd interview with Morgan Stanley
Jan 31: Got the job at AG Edwards
Feb 1: Tell Joe G that I'm leaving. Bobby Orr gets his first "real job"
Feb 3: Said goodbye to Football Career to move closer to Ex and start "real job"
Feb 9: Day 1 teaching myself to weld with Brad
Feb 14: First day at AGE
Feb 21: First Cold Calls
Mar 7: Found my current apartment. Jury Duty.
Mar 8: Ordered to shave beard (grrr)
Mar 13: Ex becomes Ex
Mar 20: purchased my camera
Mar 23: JoGo moves into the office. I post about how much I don't like him (we're friends now)
Mar 26: Night out in NYC with Silvana to see The Downfall
Mar 29: Met Games are for Children authors
Apr 2: NYC auto show
Apr 3: Boston!
Apr 11: Signed up for eharmony
Apr 13: Passed the Series 7/mother received a letter from ex
Apr 16: Drunkest post ever. Posted from Shelton, CT
Apr 17: Drufus and I almost have to fight the staff at "off the wagon" in NYC
Apr 21: Transmission #3 goes into truck
Apr 22: Failed 66 by less than 1 question
Apr 23: Become the leading web resource for Balkakke
Apr 25: First non internet contact with eharmony girl
Apr 27: Purchased He's Just Not That Into You
May 1: First ehamony date. Saw now favorite, Sin City.
May 7: Back from first week in St. Louis
May 8: Moved into my own apartment
May 17: First trip back to my folk's house
May 22: Life insurance liscence CHECK
May 28: Passed Series 66
Jun 7: First introduction to www.ytmnd.com
Jun 24: back from 2 week trip to St. Louis
Jun 26: WPE's grad party
Jun 27: First day cold calling for real
Jul 4: Met Archangel75 in person
Jul 9: Candy's Grad party
Jul 27: Dan gets married
Jul 28: First appointment at work
Aug 1: Fish move to morristown
Aug 5: Herb McCaffrey (my senior english teacher) is now Kerri McCaffrey
Aug 7: Benefit for a dude with cancer aka amazing party
Aug 20: Purchased DVD of Sin City, Dad's BBQ with his work friends
Aug 21: 4 month review of eharmony
Sep 1: Got arch into EQ... way too into EQ
Sep 2: Dudestravaganza in NH
Sep 5: Jet Ski incident
Sep 27: Finally got a haircut I like
Oct 3: Paintball with Arch and Brad
Oct 19: Made an appointment to stop snoring
Oct 30: halloween party featuring www.amishoutlaws.com
Nov 1: Bones now has an ex
Nov 6: Sleep study 1
Nov 9: Loud footsteps and thumping "conversation" at 5am
Nov 24: Deep fried thanksgiving
And that's basically the stuff I could write about. So much has changed. This time last year I was a pro football player in a long term relationship living with my parents and working in a mall. Now I'm a single Financial Consultant living on my own and no longer playing football. I can't think of much that's the same. It's been such a wild ride and I don't know how I feel about it. Sure, there are things I'd like to change, but there were times that I'd not give up for the world.
This past year has been nothing but transitions. I have not established anything. I have been working towards things and trying to get stuff squared away, but it's weird. I feel like I just dropped a stack of paper in the middle of a windy street and am trying to grab them all and put them in order while they just blow around. I'm reaching with both hands while trying to keep what I have intact. It's rough.
So, how about the stuff I didnt' post about? Well, I met several very nice girls. I learned twice what it means to be a friend. I leanred 5 times what it's like to be the one who's not that interested. I've learned twice what it's like to not be able to see someone again logistically. There's one out there that's "driving me nuts" and we'll figure out what happens with that as time goes on. I'm excited.
I've also gone from having money to not having money to having lots of money to not having any money at all. I've found out what interest free financing really means. I've figured out why retail stores offer credit cards. I've made friends I'll never forget.
I starved myself for 5 days just to feel pain. I've drank myself into oblivion out of boredom. I've punched stone just to make my hands feel like it was football season. I've given up things I never thought I could. I've gained new things to steal my time. I went a whole week eating bacon. I had my phone off for almost a month. I had my AIM on all night hoping to hear from someone. I met up with old friends. I gained a hatred the stars in the night sky. This year has been long.
Of all the things that have happened, this year will be the one I remeber as the time I lost my trust in fate. I always felt that things would turn out allright if you really wanted them to. I don't know if that's the case anymore. I was so certain that when I heard a friend had cancer it didn't even make me blink. I just said, "you'll be fine. I know it. I can feel it. It's going to be hard, but you're going to be just fine." I was right. This year I also said, "It's going to work out because it's meant to be. I've never been so sure of anything in my life." I was wrong. I don't want to be negative, but doing a yearly wrap up of my life it's hard not to pick out the life changing event of the past 5 years.
On the positive side? This time last year I was in a mall. Now I have an office. I sit in a suit and handle finances... if I can get through the objections on a cold call. I have hopes to be writting about the same job this time next year, but if things don't pick up speed soon I doubt that will happen. I am fine with it taking longer, but I don't know if my boss is. That's the fodder of another post.
well, I have to go to work. I'm going to up and hop in the shower to get the goo out of my hair from the study and then go to the office. Hopefully I'll finish this post later. I have a lot to say.
Result? I feel like a million fucking bucks right now. I don't know if it's because I went to bed before 9pm, I wore the cpap mask, or both, but I feel pretty good right now. I woke up pretty easily and without anyone waking me up. That hasn't happened in a long time. I guess we'll see what happens next.
As of today I've been on this earth for a quarter of a century.
I just went back and read my post from this time last year to try and get a grip on where I've been in the past 365. This time last year I was getting ready to build my kiosk. That is amazing to me. On my birthday last year I spent the whole day putting together a store out in PA. It's only been 1 year since that all happened? The store was staffed, built, and closed in under 1 year? Man, we failed hard.
So what has happened this year? I'm going to have to do some blog research, unfortunately I don't have exact dates, but I'm going to give when I wrote about it if you want to go back and read it yourself (oh boy):
Dec 1: Turn 24, build store
Dec 5: Saw Wicked with Ex, Feeders Christmas party
Dec 7: koWALA introduces me to booyah video
Dec 12: Ex throws me a supprize Birthday Party at my house
Dec 16: Met rapper Smiggz in Stroud.
Dec 20: Fight over Blog with Ex in full swing
Dec 23: Recconected with Heather (www.heatherfink.com. First sign of serious problems with Ex
Jan 3: Fights with Ex over blog escalating.
Jan 5: Fight with Ex results in me looking for a new job to be closer to her
Jan 10: Truck needs 10 Grand worth of work
Jan 15: Phone stolen as I'm on my way to Nyack to see Meet the Fockers with Brad, Carly, and Ex. Jumped out of a moving car to escape bad comedy
Jan 18: Job Faire, met Bill, applied to AG Edwards/Morgan Stanley
Jan 24: 3rd interview with Morgan Stanley
Jan 31: Got the job at AG Edwards
Feb 1: Tell Joe G that I'm leaving. Bobby Orr gets his first "real job"
Feb 3: Said goodbye to Football Career to move closer to Ex and start "real job"
Feb 9: Day 1 teaching myself to weld with Brad
Feb 14: First day at AGE
Feb 21: First Cold Calls
Mar 7: Found my current apartment. Jury Duty.
Mar 8: Ordered to shave beard (grrr)
Mar 13: Ex becomes Ex
Mar 20: purchased my camera
Mar 23: JoGo moves into the office. I post about how much I don't like him (we're friends now)
Mar 26: Night out in NYC with Silvana to see The Downfall
Mar 29: Met Games are for Children authors
Apr 2: NYC auto show
Apr 3: Boston!
Apr 11: Signed up for eharmony
Apr 13: Passed the Series 7/mother received a letter from ex
Apr 16: Drunkest post ever. Posted from Shelton, CT
Apr 17: Drufus and I almost have to fight the staff at "off the wagon" in NYC
Apr 21: Transmission #3 goes into truck
Apr 22: Failed 66 by less than 1 question
Apr 23: Become the leading web resource for Balkakke
Apr 25: First non internet contact with eharmony girl
Apr 27: Purchased He's Just Not That Into You
May 1: First ehamony date. Saw now favorite, Sin City.
May 7: Back from first week in St. Louis
May 8: Moved into my own apartment
May 17: First trip back to my folk's house
May 22: Life insurance liscence CHECK
May 28: Passed Series 66
Jun 7: First introduction to www.ytmnd.com
Jun 24: back from 2 week trip to St. Louis
Jun 26: WPE's grad party
Jun 27: First day cold calling for real
Jul 4: Met Archangel75 in person
Jul 9: Candy's Grad party
Jul 27: Dan gets married
Jul 28: First appointment at work
Aug 1: Fish move to morristown
Aug 5: Herb McCaffrey (my senior english teacher) is now Kerri McCaffrey
Aug 7: Benefit for a dude with cancer aka amazing party
Aug 20: Purchased DVD of Sin City, Dad's BBQ with his work friends
Aug 21: 4 month review of eharmony
Sep 1: Got arch into EQ... way too into EQ
Sep 2: Dudestravaganza in NH
Sep 5: Jet Ski incident
Sep 27: Finally got a haircut I like
Oct 3: Paintball with Arch and Brad
Oct 19: Made an appointment to stop snoring
Oct 30: halloween party featuring www.amishoutlaws.com
Nov 1: Bones now has an ex
Nov 6: Sleep study 1
Nov 9: Loud footsteps and thumping "conversation" at 5am
Nov 24: Deep fried thanksgiving
And that's basically the stuff I could write about. So much has changed. This time last year I was a pro football player in a long term relationship living with my parents and working in a mall. Now I'm a single Financial Consultant living on my own and no longer playing football. I can't think of much that's the same. It's been such a wild ride and I don't know how I feel about it. Sure, there are things I'd like to change, but there were times that I'd not give up for the world.
This past year has been nothing but transitions. I have not established anything. I have been working towards things and trying to get stuff squared away, but it's weird. I feel like I just dropped a stack of paper in the middle of a windy street and am trying to grab them all and put them in order while they just blow around. I'm reaching with both hands while trying to keep what I have intact. It's rough.
So, how about the stuff I didnt' post about? Well, I met several very nice girls. I learned twice what it means to be a friend. I leanred 5 times what it's like to be the one who's not that interested. I've learned twice what it's like to not be able to see someone again logistically. There's one out there that's "driving me nuts" and we'll figure out what happens with that as time goes on. I'm excited.
I've also gone from having money to not having money to having lots of money to not having any money at all. I've found out what interest free financing really means. I've figured out why retail stores offer credit cards. I've made friends I'll never forget.
I starved myself for 5 days just to feel pain. I've drank myself into oblivion out of boredom. I've punched stone just to make my hands feel like it was football season. I've given up things I never thought I could. I've gained new things to steal my time. I went a whole week eating bacon. I had my phone off for almost a month. I had my AIM on all night hoping to hear from someone. I met up with old friends. I gained a hatred the stars in the night sky. This year has been long.
Of all the things that have happened, this year will be the one I remeber as the time I lost my trust in fate. I always felt that things would turn out allright if you really wanted them to. I don't know if that's the case anymore. I was so certain that when I heard a friend had cancer it didn't even make me blink. I just said, "you'll be fine. I know it. I can feel it. It's going to be hard, but you're going to be just fine." I was right. This year I also said, "It's going to work out because it's meant to be. I've never been so sure of anything in my life." I was wrong. I don't want to be negative, but doing a yearly wrap up of my life it's hard not to pick out the life changing event of the past 5 years.
On the positive side? This time last year I was in a mall. Now I have an office. I sit in a suit and handle finances... if I can get through the objections on a cold call. I have hopes to be writting about the same job this time next year, but if things don't pick up speed soon I doubt that will happen. I am fine with it taking longer, but I don't know if my boss is. That's the fodder of another post.
well, I have to go to work. I'm going to up and hop in the shower to get the goo out of my hair from the study and then go to the office. Hopefully I'll finish this post later. I have a lot to say.
posted by NJX70 at 6:15 AM
1 Comments:
I really liked your analogy of picking up sheets of paper flying in the wind. I have been in transition, too, albeit with some less obvious signs than you (bacon for a week made me LOL... Punching stone was a little frightening to read about.) I've mostly withdrawn from people and things I used to spend a lot of time (or conversation) on.
I have a friend who has become very religious. He says he's generally untroubled because he believes a) God exists, b) God loves him, c) God knows what will be best for him. Well, I don't think I believe in God so it's all up to me. :)
Despite being poor and unemployed I saw a magnet today that made me LMAO right in the store, so I forked over the $3.10 to buy it. It says, "Put on your Big Girl Panties and deal with it." Reading it still makes me laugh. That's how I'm going to handle whatever comes my way in 2006.
I hope you find encouragement when you most need it (and even when you don't. It's always nice to have. :)
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