Time goes by
Howdy, it's been a while. OK, I have no idea where to start, so I'm going to start with a little info on where I've been, move on to some tricks I've learned, and then give a heads up on what I'm doing.
I have this thing I do. It's a type of defensive reflex when things aren't going as well as I expected. I just stop existing for a while. I don't answer the phone, I don't reply to emails, I don't go on AIM, I just don't do anything but focus on what needs to be fixed until it's done. Now, normally that's just a day or so. If I'm feeling sick, I'll just lay around until I feel better. This time it was because I lost one job, quit another, and have been on unemployment for several months. I figured that I'd be back on my feet and making some money much faster than I have, so I thought going into hiding for a week or two wouldn't be that big a deal... that was in February. It's the 4th of July and I'm still semi hiding. I have been on 70 to 80 interviews since I left NMFN. Unfortunately, they have been for jobs I either did not want or ended up "not being a good fit" for.
To clarify that last point, the jobs I've been offered ranged from 10 to 15 thousand dollars a year and all of them have required a significant ammount of cold calling. On top of that, these jobs have been in lousy locations, in shaky industries, have been traditionally high turnover, and low chance for growth.
I'm looking for something. I think I know what it is, but I don't know where to find it. I'd like a job where I am a representative for the company who goes out and meets with clients and is a go-between for the labor and management of my company and the management of the client. It's basically a project manager position, but I don't have a pile of qualifications to work with.
Outside of that magical job where I'd get to work with people, solve problems, travel a bit, and have responsibilities that do not include bringing in new clients, I know I'd be good in a research oriented position of sorts. I'd love to be able to go and be someone who goes deep into the numbers and comes out with everything someone else needs to know. I do that now anyways with all the shit I enjoy doing. If it's EQ I am reading everything I can about new encounters, new mobs, new skills, parsing fights, giving out detailed information to people so they can self evaluate and improve. If it's my cats, I'm going to message boards and vet web sites to read and understand everything I can about their behavior and needs. If it's my old life at AGE I was calling up wholesalers and asking them about the details of their product and having them run hypos about how it would fit into a current allocation, fund cost analysis, projections for just about everything that could happen, etc. I love doing that kind of stuff. I love giving people information and letting them make their own decisions. I also like supporting teams of people who need someone to be the goto guy for information.
I like to think I'm creative, but I don't know how I'd even use that.
So, the bottom line is, I'm still unemployed, and I realize it's just going to take some time for me to get my ass squared away. Being unemployed now that I live on my own means a hell of a lot more than it did when I was living at home. I have bills to pay... LOTS of them. I don't get enough from unemployment to even cover them all at once. I have to miss one this month, and then pay this month's past due ballance next month. That kind of crap. Speaking of, I need to pay my cell phone bill this week or they are going to turn off my service! Yay! What it means beyond having bills to pay is that there are not a lot of things you can do that are free. I enjoy hanging out with my friends, but if they are driving down to the shore to see a concert or hitting the bars, or doing any number of things that I used to love to do... I simply can't go. I don't have any available funds to play with. If I go to the bar and spend $20 then that's $20 less I have for food, gas to get to interviews, bills that will get paid, cat food/kitty litter, and basically anything outside of air that I need to survive.
I have never cared if people know how much I make, so here's a brief description of bills and checks that I've had over the past 2 years:
AG Edwards negotiated salary: $43,000
AG Edwards actual money paid (1 year): $20,000
Unemployment: $1,200 a month
Rent: $1,000
TV/Phone/internet: $100
Cell phone: $50
Car payment: $215
Cats: $70
Food: $50
Gas: $70 (I only fill up once every other month or so and try to walk to whatever I need)
Electricity (aka heat/ac/stove/dishwasher/lights): $50
Furnature: $100
So you see, I've been on the edge of my seat wondering what's going to happen next for the past 4 months. I've been sitting here sending appologies to my land lord, fighting with indian telephone opperators from 3 companies, and watching my rate on my car loan go through the roof due to late payments. Goodbye spotless credit. I had the most amazing credit rating ever up until I started at AGE. Now, I have no clue. I don't even want to know.
So, instead of trying to be social and keeping my spirits up, I sit around here watching TV, reading, playing video games, and seaching all the internets for job postings, openings in my area, jobs in states where I have friends, and sleeping.
What's odd is that the feelings of anxiety and frustration are basically gone. I have been rolling with the punches and just trying to figure out a way to not get evicted. I got a call this weekend from my buddy AJ. I missed it, but I knew exactly what it was about. Every single year since we could drive he's had a party on the 4th of July weekend. I have made a fool of myself, become super drunk, had great times, and shitty times, but they were all with the friends of mine who've stuck with me the longest. People who I look up to for their ability to survive this whacky post educational world and keep their priorities right where they belong. While I'm sitting here with a BS in business from a prestigious private university unemployed and broke, some of them didn't even go to college and they are home owners and having the time of their lives. They work harder than I do. They work longer than I work. They are better employees. Some are following dreams, others are doing what they have to, but they are all still the same people I've always known them to be. I respect that more now than I ever have. When I was sitting in an office with a suit on, my face freshly shaven, and a respectable haircut I felt like a phony while they were on their street bikes and riding their hotrods around town.
In a nutshell, I really look up to these guys.
So, I was also dealing with the best friend moving to California thing. His father throws a BBQ every 4th as well, and they were on the same day. I went over to my buddy's place to spend the day with him and his family and wasn't going to even go over AJ's because I was basically a little intimidated to be seeing my friends while my life was busted up into little pieces, but I just took a deep breath and called AJ back, told him I'd be there, and went.
I didn't get over AJ's until late because Brad's father puts on a fireworks show that dwarfs the firework shows in most towns. When I got there, everyone was happy to see me, and that feels great. I had an awesome time. I simply cannot miss that party, so even if shit sucks for me, I will be there. It's become tradition.
Saturday was a great day for me. I met a man who works for a great local company... a HUGE company... I'm talking M A S S I V E... who was really cool, an old coworker of Brad's and who told me to send him my resume so he could see what he could do. I figured I'd never happen, but I got home and there was the email from him asking me to reply with my resume. I did so, and now I have another in with a "not small" company.
At AJ's I learned a Mutual Friend of ours works for a staffing firm. I am calling them tomorrow to set up an interview. On top of THAT, AJ has multiple connections in construction, so even if it's real hard work, I should have something soon.
The result of this weekend? I am trying really hard to get out and not be such a loner. As I said, I'm not really "depressed" per say... I'm just concerned. I've become numb to the past due notices and understand it's going to take some time for me to get my rent/bills/etc up to date. Well, check that... I'm another month late as of tomorrow... fuck. Now I'm getting worried about that.
Anyhoo... I'm feeling somewhat better, I just need WORK and I need it NOW!
I have this thing I do. It's a type of defensive reflex when things aren't going as well as I expected. I just stop existing for a while. I don't answer the phone, I don't reply to emails, I don't go on AIM, I just don't do anything but focus on what needs to be fixed until it's done. Now, normally that's just a day or so. If I'm feeling sick, I'll just lay around until I feel better. This time it was because I lost one job, quit another, and have been on unemployment for several months. I figured that I'd be back on my feet and making some money much faster than I have, so I thought going into hiding for a week or two wouldn't be that big a deal... that was in February. It's the 4th of July and I'm still semi hiding. I have been on 70 to 80 interviews since I left NMFN. Unfortunately, they have been for jobs I either did not want or ended up "not being a good fit" for.
To clarify that last point, the jobs I've been offered ranged from 10 to 15 thousand dollars a year and all of them have required a significant ammount of cold calling. On top of that, these jobs have been in lousy locations, in shaky industries, have been traditionally high turnover, and low chance for growth.
I'm looking for something. I think I know what it is, but I don't know where to find it. I'd like a job where I am a representative for the company who goes out and meets with clients and is a go-between for the labor and management of my company and the management of the client. It's basically a project manager position, but I don't have a pile of qualifications to work with.
Outside of that magical job where I'd get to work with people, solve problems, travel a bit, and have responsibilities that do not include bringing in new clients, I know I'd be good in a research oriented position of sorts. I'd love to be able to go and be someone who goes deep into the numbers and comes out with everything someone else needs to know. I do that now anyways with all the shit I enjoy doing. If it's EQ I am reading everything I can about new encounters, new mobs, new skills, parsing fights, giving out detailed information to people so they can self evaluate and improve. If it's my cats, I'm going to message boards and vet web sites to read and understand everything I can about their behavior and needs. If it's my old life at AGE I was calling up wholesalers and asking them about the details of their product and having them run hypos about how it would fit into a current allocation, fund cost analysis, projections for just about everything that could happen, etc. I love doing that kind of stuff. I love giving people information and letting them make their own decisions. I also like supporting teams of people who need someone to be the goto guy for information.
I like to think I'm creative, but I don't know how I'd even use that.
So, the bottom line is, I'm still unemployed, and I realize it's just going to take some time for me to get my ass squared away. Being unemployed now that I live on my own means a hell of a lot more than it did when I was living at home. I have bills to pay... LOTS of them. I don't get enough from unemployment to even cover them all at once. I have to miss one this month, and then pay this month's past due ballance next month. That kind of crap. Speaking of, I need to pay my cell phone bill this week or they are going to turn off my service! Yay! What it means beyond having bills to pay is that there are not a lot of things you can do that are free. I enjoy hanging out with my friends, but if they are driving down to the shore to see a concert or hitting the bars, or doing any number of things that I used to love to do... I simply can't go. I don't have any available funds to play with. If I go to the bar and spend $20 then that's $20 less I have for food, gas to get to interviews, bills that will get paid, cat food/kitty litter, and basically anything outside of air that I need to survive.
I have never cared if people know how much I make, so here's a brief description of bills and checks that I've had over the past 2 years:
AG Edwards negotiated salary: $43,000
AG Edwards actual money paid (1 year): $20,000
Unemployment: $1,200 a month
Rent: $1,000
TV/Phone/internet: $100
Cell phone: $50
Car payment: $215
Cats: $70
Food: $50
Gas: $70 (I only fill up once every other month or so and try to walk to whatever I need)
Electricity (aka heat/ac/stove/dishwasher/lights): $50
Furnature: $100
So you see, I've been on the edge of my seat wondering what's going to happen next for the past 4 months. I've been sitting here sending appologies to my land lord, fighting with indian telephone opperators from 3 companies, and watching my rate on my car loan go through the roof due to late payments. Goodbye spotless credit. I had the most amazing credit rating ever up until I started at AGE. Now, I have no clue. I don't even want to know.
So, instead of trying to be social and keeping my spirits up, I sit around here watching TV, reading, playing video games, and seaching all the internets for job postings, openings in my area, jobs in states where I have friends, and sleeping.
What's odd is that the feelings of anxiety and frustration are basically gone. I have been rolling with the punches and just trying to figure out a way to not get evicted. I got a call this weekend from my buddy AJ. I missed it, but I knew exactly what it was about. Every single year since we could drive he's had a party on the 4th of July weekend. I have made a fool of myself, become super drunk, had great times, and shitty times, but they were all with the friends of mine who've stuck with me the longest. People who I look up to for their ability to survive this whacky post educational world and keep their priorities right where they belong. While I'm sitting here with a BS in business from a prestigious private university unemployed and broke, some of them didn't even go to college and they are home owners and having the time of their lives. They work harder than I do. They work longer than I work. They are better employees. Some are following dreams, others are doing what they have to, but they are all still the same people I've always known them to be. I respect that more now than I ever have. When I was sitting in an office with a suit on, my face freshly shaven, and a respectable haircut I felt like a phony while they were on their street bikes and riding their hotrods around town.
In a nutshell, I really look up to these guys.
So, I was also dealing with the best friend moving to California thing. His father throws a BBQ every 4th as well, and they were on the same day. I went over to my buddy's place to spend the day with him and his family and wasn't going to even go over AJ's because I was basically a little intimidated to be seeing my friends while my life was busted up into little pieces, but I just took a deep breath and called AJ back, told him I'd be there, and went.
I didn't get over AJ's until late because Brad's father puts on a fireworks show that dwarfs the firework shows in most towns. When I got there, everyone was happy to see me, and that feels great. I had an awesome time. I simply cannot miss that party, so even if shit sucks for me, I will be there. It's become tradition.
Saturday was a great day for me. I met a man who works for a great local company... a HUGE company... I'm talking M A S S I V E... who was really cool, an old coworker of Brad's and who told me to send him my resume so he could see what he could do. I figured I'd never happen, but I got home and there was the email from him asking me to reply with my resume. I did so, and now I have another in with a "not small" company.
At AJ's I learned a Mutual Friend of ours works for a staffing firm. I am calling them tomorrow to set up an interview. On top of THAT, AJ has multiple connections in construction, so even if it's real hard work, I should have something soon.
The result of this weekend? I am trying really hard to get out and not be such a loner. As I said, I'm not really "depressed" per say... I'm just concerned. I've become numb to the past due notices and understand it's going to take some time for me to get my rent/bills/etc up to date. Well, check that... I'm another month late as of tomorrow... fuck. Now I'm getting worried about that.
Anyhoo... I'm feeling somewhat better, I just need WORK and I need it NOW!
posted by NJX70 at 6:09 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home