Rejection
I've had it, and I quit. I have one goal in life right now: earn 40k a year. I don't care what I'm doing. I don't care if it's dead end and horseshit work. I don't care if it means I'm a failure in life and shouldn't have gone to college. I don't care anymore. I've given up.
World, you win... you've broken me. I'm done. I just need to make enough money to stay where I'm at and put some money in the bank. Is that so much to ask for? I have a great college degree and great real world experience. The biggest salary I've been offered has been 30k which leave exactly $400 a month for food, gas, going out, misc expenses, etc. It's not enough.
I'm going to go on record right here, right now, and admit that I've lost. I've failed. I'm not good at shit and everything that could possibly fall my way has not. In fact, even sure things and great leads and gimmie situations have found their way to shit faster than I can even absorb all the shitty goodness.
I get an interview for a job that offers more than 30k with the POSSIBILITY of one day earning 40k and it will go well. If it involves one dollar more something fucked up will happen and I'll blow it. Yesterday I got lost going to a good job interview and didn't think to bring the number of the woman I was interviewing with. She turned out to be one cold piece of shit and send me packing only to return at some ungodly hour later on only after she shit on me a bit. Fuck... I hate this life. I hate what I've built for myself.
I have built this empire of shit and there's nothing left to do but just sink in and let myself fester in it. Unemployment B A R E L Y pays the bills... I'm talking let one slide a month and then let a different one slide the next month close.
It's only my fault. I just don't care about anything anymore. I have no passion, no direction, no knowledge of the world, and nowhere to turn. I haven't seen my friends in months and my best friend moved away. There hasn't been one good piece of news about anything in almost 2 years.
I seriously just wonder if I'm going to make it. I don't know how I will. It's starting to feel like my whole life I've been climbing a ladder, but after I climbed through education, professional athletics, and several careers I've realized that I didn't prop my ladder on the right wall and the only thing left to do is fall. Only problem is I don't know where is down from here.
I wonder sometimes when I see homeless people how they got there. It's starting to become more and more clear.
I titled this post rejection because that's all I get. I can't deal with it anymore. I feel like I've been cursed. Ever since one lifechanging day, everyone and everything I've wanted to do one thing has done the other and thrown it right in my face.
I have nothing left to offer. I can't stay positive when it's blatantly obvious that nobody finds anything I have to offer to have any worth whatsoever. Jobs, girls, clients, etc... I've failed on all fronts.
The main reason I wanted to adopt a cat was to have someone that counted on me. To have a living breathing friend who looked to me for something who I could satisfy and enjoy their company. They've been a life saver.
I've lost everything that means anything to me. I gave up the one thing I've ever been good at for someone more important to me and I lost them both. From there's it's been one rejection after another. I'm seriously so fed up with rejection that I can't even take simple stuff. Even hearing things like "we can only offer you..." throws me into a depression that I can't snap out of for days. I'm losing my mind and I have noone to talk to.
I just want everyone to know that I've given up and I don't care anymore. That's why I'm never around, that's why I don't talk to anyone, that's why I suck. I've lost all passion for everything in my life.
World, you win... you've broken me. I'm done. I just need to make enough money to stay where I'm at and put some money in the bank. Is that so much to ask for? I have a great college degree and great real world experience. The biggest salary I've been offered has been 30k which leave exactly $400 a month for food, gas, going out, misc expenses, etc. It's not enough.
I'm going to go on record right here, right now, and admit that I've lost. I've failed. I'm not good at shit and everything that could possibly fall my way has not. In fact, even sure things and great leads and gimmie situations have found their way to shit faster than I can even absorb all the shitty goodness.
I get an interview for a job that offers more than 30k with the POSSIBILITY of one day earning 40k and it will go well. If it involves one dollar more something fucked up will happen and I'll blow it. Yesterday I got lost going to a good job interview and didn't think to bring the number of the woman I was interviewing with. She turned out to be one cold piece of shit and send me packing only to return at some ungodly hour later on only after she shit on me a bit. Fuck... I hate this life. I hate what I've built for myself.
I have built this empire of shit and there's nothing left to do but just sink in and let myself fester in it. Unemployment B A R E L Y pays the bills... I'm talking let one slide a month and then let a different one slide the next month close.
It's only my fault. I just don't care about anything anymore. I have no passion, no direction, no knowledge of the world, and nowhere to turn. I haven't seen my friends in months and my best friend moved away. There hasn't been one good piece of news about anything in almost 2 years.
I seriously just wonder if I'm going to make it. I don't know how I will. It's starting to feel like my whole life I've been climbing a ladder, but after I climbed through education, professional athletics, and several careers I've realized that I didn't prop my ladder on the right wall and the only thing left to do is fall. Only problem is I don't know where is down from here.
I wonder sometimes when I see homeless people how they got there. It's starting to become more and more clear.
I titled this post rejection because that's all I get. I can't deal with it anymore. I feel like I've been cursed. Ever since one lifechanging day, everyone and everything I've wanted to do one thing has done the other and thrown it right in my face.
I have nothing left to offer. I can't stay positive when it's blatantly obvious that nobody finds anything I have to offer to have any worth whatsoever. Jobs, girls, clients, etc... I've failed on all fronts.
The main reason I wanted to adopt a cat was to have someone that counted on me. To have a living breathing friend who looked to me for something who I could satisfy and enjoy their company. They've been a life saver.
I've lost everything that means anything to me. I gave up the one thing I've ever been good at for someone more important to me and I lost them both. From there's it's been one rejection after another. I'm seriously so fed up with rejection that I can't even take simple stuff. Even hearing things like "we can only offer you..." throws me into a depression that I can't snap out of for days. I'm losing my mind and I have noone to talk to.
I just want everyone to know that I've given up and I don't care anymore. That's why I'm never around, that's why I don't talk to anyone, that's why I suck. I've lost all passion for everything in my life.
posted by NJX70 at 8:57 PM
2 Comments:
Man, keep your chin up. Something will come along. I know you're blowing off steam, but you'll be fine. We're all after jobs that pay more than $40k and it's not that easy. At least you live in america, have a college degree, and the opportunity for advancement. Hang in there
what stinks about my salary requirement is that I'm not asking for 40k to get rich. That's the bare minimum you can make where I live and get by without having to count change at the end of the month.
I am not even embelishing at all here. My expenses from rent (in a rent controlled building... one of the cheapest in the county) electric, phone, cable, and some loans I took out for minor stuff is just about 28k a year.
If you spend $100 a week on gas, food, and any sort of entertainment (a movie is $10 bucks for christ's sake) then you officially won't be able to pay the bills at a 30k job.
I was making 45 for about 6 months and it was the first time in my life I was comfortable enough to drive, eat what I wanted, go out with friends, since I've been on my own. Then, of course came the pay cut and I simply have been falling apart.
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