Coffee Hands
So far, I've found that if I wake up at 6am to a cup of coffee and then have one more once I get to the office then I'm good for the whole day. The best place on my commute to pick up coffee is Penn Station. Penn Station is full of little restaraunts and ALL of them serve coffee and get it to you faster than you can reach into your wallet. When I say EVERYONE serves coffee, I saw an Antie Anne's STAND selling coffee on Friday. From time to time I'm noticing things that are sublte, but very different than what I'm used to and what better place to break them down and make them boring than right here?
For me, a great cup of coffee on the way to the office has to have a few things. I like my coffee stronger than should be allowed by law, so every cup I order is tweaked for maximum punch. It should taste good, and by good I mean that I drink it and don't notice the taste. The only time I notice a coffee's flavor is when it sucks balls or when it's awesome, so I'd be happy just not noticing it. Speed of delivery is big time. Penn Station is PACKED every single morning, so the place has to be able to turn me around very quickly. I don't like waiting 10 minutes for a drink. Seeing as I take the train, and I have to be at work by 8:45 (which happens if I go straight to work from the 7am train), I can't be standing in line too long. That goes hand in hand with being a convenient location. This changes a bit depending on which gate my train goes into, but it's only a 100 yard change if it goes from gate 1 to west gate 13. The final, and most frustrating thing about buying coffee in Penn Station is that I have to take 2 other subway cars and walk about a half mile to get to the office. If the coffee stays in the cup, than that's a win.
I tried all these in a week, so I'll go in chronological order:
Ah, Starbucks. Delitious coffee, insane prices. Anyone whoever is going to pay $4 for a large black coffee should give me $3 and I'll brew them up a whole pot. Why did I get Starbucks? Because Brad wanted to get Starbucks and offered to pay. Brad got something or other... I simply don't remember. I got a large black coffee with a shot of espresso because it was my first day on the job and I knew it was going to be boring. "ONE REDEYE!" bleh... They even have a name for black coffee, shot of espresso. WTF? Just call it a fucking coffee! The gay names are what make you feel like a douche when you go in there looking for something different and have to order some MocchaFrappaJizzyAssfuckAchino instead of "Large Iced Espresso with Milk."
Ok, west coast jizz bag problems aside, the coffee was really good. It was exactly what I was looking for, and I'd happily drink one every single morning if it weren't for a few problems. Here's how Starbucks matched up:
[all products rated as follows: shit, eh..., good]
Price: SHIT ($4 something)
Strength: Good
Flavor: Good
Convenience: eh...
Speed: Shit (at least a 10 minute wait)
Cup Integrity: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT S H I T!
Marketed to... young, wealthy, douchebag white color folks who get to wear sandals to work. (see: fucktard liberals)
Conclusion: Overpriced, but great tasting coffee delivered to me at a conventient location very slowly into a cup that might as well not have a lid. Every step I took the cup dropped a teaspoon of coffee on my hand. Actually, every time I moved. By the time I got to my office I had a brown hand, a cup that looked like I was a homeless guy asking for change, and half a cup of coffee.
The next stop on the list... Dunkin Donuts. Located EVERYWHERE in EVERY town way before Starbucks made the idea of market saturation cool, only this place is the McDs of coffee and donuts. Even though "time to make the donuts" guy died this year, Dunkin Donuts will live on forever. They go after a different clientele and they do things slightly different. I've probably been in a thousand different DD's, but I can never remember being impressed by a single one of them. They just get the job done as simple as possible. You get a nice cup of coffee and a heartburn inducing pastry fast.
So, how does the Penn Station DD match up?
Price: good ($1.80. Best I've seen for a large black coffee)
Strength: eh... (haven't espresso'ed one yet)
Flavor: eh... (good enough, in the neutral zone)
Convenience: Good (Great locationS... 3 on the walk to the subway)
Speed: Good! (SO FAST)
Cup Integrity: Good! (couldn't figure out a way to spill it)
Marketed to... Blue collar everyman. If you're in the subway in a hardhat, you should have a DDs cup with you somewhere. I commute with white collar people every day and barely ever see a DD cup.
Conclusion: No frills coffee in an indestructable cup. Flavor's good enough to make me come back, price is the best I've seen in Penn Station. Overall, a winner.
Next, Seatle's Best... which is a division of Starbucks that competes with itself??? WTF are they doing? Anyways, this place is new to me, Brad likes it for it's convenience seeing as it's right in the middle of the 7TH AVE CONCOURSE which is where the NJ trains all roll in. It's hard to walk in without walking right past it. I figured I'd give it a try.
Price: Eh... (1.91 for a large black coffee)
Strength: eh...
Flavor: eh...
Convenience: eh...
Speed: eh...
Cup Integrity: SHIT! (Had the Coffee Hand just like I did with Starbucks. This is more annoying than I know how to say.
Marketed to... Not really sure. It's almost like a corner store with stuff like a cooler full of gatoraide and stuff. I'm almost thinking it's Starbucks trying to take a bite out of deli sales... without a deli... I'm so confused.
Conclusion: Fake convenience store run by west coast jizz bags with average coffee served at an average price that might as well not even have a lid because it all ends up on my jacket anyway.
Finally, Krispy Kreme... everyone knew this name because it was the secret stock homerun that everyone knew about. Yes, it was that fucked up. Even my dad was calling me up telling me about how this company does nothing but go up. That's normally the final red flag to finish the "ZOMG SELL NOW1!!!!" ideas. Anyways, I didn't even know they served coffee, but I guess if you serve donuts, it's a natural thing to have. I decided to give them a try because they advertize a "bold" variety that seems to be just what I'm looking for.
Price: Eh... (2.12 for a large "bold" coffee)
Strength: GOOD! (I was all sorts of pumped)
Flavor: SHIT! (tasted like it had some medicine added to it. That's the only way I can describe the bizare taste)
Convenience: eh...
Speed: Good
Cup Integrity: eh... dripped a few times, but nothing like the two starbucks companies
Marketed to... NY Penn station runners who want coffee???
Conclusion: Overrated stock market joke with mediocre donuts and coffee filled with rocket fuel. If I REALLY need a kick in the pants and don't have time to have a couple cups of coffee I'd stop back to get some KK Bold, but I might have them hold the coffee and add extra crack.
Winner? DUNKIN DONUTS! Even though I haven't taken the time to see if D&D serves coffee with shots of espresso it's worth going there for the 100% spill free cup, the super fast service, and the ultimate in convenience. I do enjoy the flavor of the coffee, but only so far as I don't notice it. DD even wins on price. for $1.80 I can get a large black coffee with an inch of ice at the bottom of the cup, made up exactly the way I like it, in a cup that will not spill or cause me to be concerned with it while riding the subway, AND for the lowest price I've found in Penn Station.
Next week I may try the fast food chains and unknowns, but as of right now, if I had to pick one place to get my morning coffee it would be DD's every day.
For me, a great cup of coffee on the way to the office has to have a few things. I like my coffee stronger than should be allowed by law, so every cup I order is tweaked for maximum punch. It should taste good, and by good I mean that I drink it and don't notice the taste. The only time I notice a coffee's flavor is when it sucks balls or when it's awesome, so I'd be happy just not noticing it. Speed of delivery is big time. Penn Station is PACKED every single morning, so the place has to be able to turn me around very quickly. I don't like waiting 10 minutes for a drink. Seeing as I take the train, and I have to be at work by 8:45 (which happens if I go straight to work from the 7am train), I can't be standing in line too long. That goes hand in hand with being a convenient location. This changes a bit depending on which gate my train goes into, but it's only a 100 yard change if it goes from gate 1 to west gate 13. The final, and most frustrating thing about buying coffee in Penn Station is that I have to take 2 other subway cars and walk about a half mile to get to the office. If the coffee stays in the cup, than that's a win.
I tried all these in a week, so I'll go in chronological order:
Ah, Starbucks. Delitious coffee, insane prices. Anyone whoever is going to pay $4 for a large black coffee should give me $3 and I'll brew them up a whole pot. Why did I get Starbucks? Because Brad wanted to get Starbucks and offered to pay. Brad got something or other... I simply don't remember. I got a large black coffee with a shot of espresso because it was my first day on the job and I knew it was going to be boring. "ONE REDEYE!" bleh... They even have a name for black coffee, shot of espresso. WTF? Just call it a fucking coffee! The gay names are what make you feel like a douche when you go in there looking for something different and have to order some MocchaFrappaJizzyAssfuckAchino instead of "Large Iced Espresso with Milk."
Ok, west coast jizz bag problems aside, the coffee was really good. It was exactly what I was looking for, and I'd happily drink one every single morning if it weren't for a few problems. Here's how Starbucks matched up:
[all products rated as follows: shit, eh..., good]
Price: SHIT ($4 something)
Strength: Good
Flavor: Good
Convenience: eh...
Speed: Shit (at least a 10 minute wait)
Cup Integrity: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT S H I T!
Marketed to... young, wealthy, douchebag white color folks who get to wear sandals to work. (see: fucktard liberals)
Conclusion: Overpriced, but great tasting coffee delivered to me at a conventient location very slowly into a cup that might as well not have a lid. Every step I took the cup dropped a teaspoon of coffee on my hand. Actually, every time I moved. By the time I got to my office I had a brown hand, a cup that looked like I was a homeless guy asking for change, and half a cup of coffee.
The next stop on the list... Dunkin Donuts. Located EVERYWHERE in EVERY town way before Starbucks made the idea of market saturation cool, only this place is the McDs of coffee and donuts. Even though "time to make the donuts" guy died this year, Dunkin Donuts will live on forever. They go after a different clientele and they do things slightly different. I've probably been in a thousand different DD's, but I can never remember being impressed by a single one of them. They just get the job done as simple as possible. You get a nice cup of coffee and a heartburn inducing pastry fast.
So, how does the Penn Station DD match up?
Price: good ($1.80. Best I've seen for a large black coffee)
Strength: eh... (haven't espresso'ed one yet)
Flavor: eh... (good enough, in the neutral zone)
Convenience: Good (Great locationS... 3 on the walk to the subway)
Speed: Good! (SO FAST)
Cup Integrity: Good! (couldn't figure out a way to spill it)
Marketed to... Blue collar everyman. If you're in the subway in a hardhat, you should have a DDs cup with you somewhere. I commute with white collar people every day and barely ever see a DD cup.
Conclusion: No frills coffee in an indestructable cup. Flavor's good enough to make me come back, price is the best I've seen in Penn Station. Overall, a winner.
Next, Seatle's Best... which is a division of Starbucks that competes with itself??? WTF are they doing? Anyways, this place is new to me, Brad likes it for it's convenience seeing as it's right in the middle of the 7TH AVE CONCOURSE which is where the NJ trains all roll in. It's hard to walk in without walking right past it. I figured I'd give it a try.
Price: Eh... (1.91 for a large black coffee)
Strength: eh...
Flavor: eh...
Convenience: eh...
Speed: eh...
Cup Integrity: SHIT! (Had the Coffee Hand just like I did with Starbucks. This is more annoying than I know how to say.
Marketed to... Not really sure. It's almost like a corner store with stuff like a cooler full of gatoraide and stuff. I'm almost thinking it's Starbucks trying to take a bite out of deli sales... without a deli... I'm so confused.
Conclusion: Fake convenience store run by west coast jizz bags with average coffee served at an average price that might as well not even have a lid because it all ends up on my jacket anyway.
Finally, Krispy Kreme... everyone knew this name because it was the secret stock homerun that everyone knew about. Yes, it was that fucked up. Even my dad was calling me up telling me about how this company does nothing but go up. That's normally the final red flag to finish the "ZOMG SELL NOW1!!!!" ideas. Anyways, I didn't even know they served coffee, but I guess if you serve donuts, it's a natural thing to have. I decided to give them a try because they advertize a "bold" variety that seems to be just what I'm looking for.
Price: Eh... (2.12 for a large "bold" coffee)
Strength: GOOD! (I was all sorts of pumped)
Flavor: SHIT! (tasted like it had some medicine added to it. That's the only way I can describe the bizare taste)
Convenience: eh...
Speed: Good
Cup Integrity: eh... dripped a few times, but nothing like the two starbucks companies
Marketed to... NY Penn station runners who want coffee???
Conclusion: Overrated stock market joke with mediocre donuts and coffee filled with rocket fuel. If I REALLY need a kick in the pants and don't have time to have a couple cups of coffee I'd stop back to get some KK Bold, but I might have them hold the coffee and add extra crack.
Winner? DUNKIN DONUTS! Even though I haven't taken the time to see if D&D serves coffee with shots of espresso it's worth going there for the 100% spill free cup, the super fast service, and the ultimate in convenience. I do enjoy the flavor of the coffee, but only so far as I don't notice it. DD even wins on price. for $1.80 I can get a large black coffee with an inch of ice at the bottom of the cup, made up exactly the way I like it, in a cup that will not spill or cause me to be concerned with it while riding the subway, AND for the lowest price I've found in Penn Station.
Next week I may try the fast food chains and unknowns, but as of right now, if I had to pick one place to get my morning coffee it would be DD's every day.
posted by NJX70 at 5:05 PM
2 Comments:
See, now, THIS is the kind of informative stuff people need to read about on blogs! :)
I'm too cheap/poor to do anything except brew my own coffee at home. I try not to be awake early enough to need coffee, but sometimes I get scheduled for 7 am or 8 am shifts.
$2 for a coffee seems pricey, but I guess it's just where you are, huh?
Try bringing a travel mug and pouring the coffee into that instead of using whatever disposable cup you get to carry the stuff. Even with a double cup or "sleeve" I still tend to burn my hands, carrying those flimsy paper cups.
Can't wait for installment #2 of coffee comparisons. :)
Double Booyah for DD in the morning, though my trendy Morris Plains cup costs 11 cents less. I guess you're just paying for the right to smell some homeless guy's most recent spore.
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