Where I've Been... Where I'm Going
Where have I been? Well, the best I can say is NYC. I've been working hard, but some heavy questions have been weighing me down. One of the major reasons I've been AWOL for so long is that I really don't know what I should post here. I started this as a way to air my problems and my accomplishments with people. This blog has been a blessing and I don't think I'd be the same person without it. I know that sounds stupid, but I feel like I"ve become more open and honest about the things in my life ever since I let a lot of it go.
So, what's the problem? People find me here. They know who I am. They have an impact on what I do. If you haven't noticed, my name is nowhere to be found on this blog anymore. I've stopped linking here from places that would make me easily identifiable. I used to love to let people in on exactly who I am, but now it's become a burden. If I ever decide to go into teaching, I'm sure a google search for my name coming up with a post dedicated to balkakke would be a bad thing. I've seen the searches that land here and sometimes it's disturbing... and by disturbing I mean awesome.
Here's the deal. I've started a new career, but there are things going on I'd love to talk about that I can't. I can't let this shit out because if I do prematurely then it could blow the whole fucking deal.
If you don't believe me, here's a little story for ya. Last summer I took a picture of a friend of mine's girlfriend sitting on a dock and it ended up on my flickr photostream. Some random person surfing around found the picture, showed it to someone else for no particular reason, that person then goes, "holy shit... I think I know her!" She then emailed the link to my buddy's girlfriend who then asked me about it. She wasn't concerned, but it was bizaro to see stuff that I threw up into the interweb and it found it's way back to me. It's kinda cool in the way putting a return address on a note in a bottle and getting the note back is, but it's a little less warm and fuzzy and more "privacy" oriented.
So where I've been is a good job. I've been spending my nights out around town and my mornings racing to the train. Speaking of... I just fucking realized I have to be on the 6am train tomorrow and it's 1am... fuck.
The real story is where I'm going. For one, I'm going to be around here more. I really like posting here and I'm going to get back to it more often. When? As soon as I get settled. Which has been what I've been begging for over the past 2 years. I just want to be settled. The problem is that 80% of the people who work their asses off at my company don't get settled. They fail. I have a lot of faith in my abilities, but if I was throwing darts and if I hit the bullseye I'm going to be well off and happy... but if I don't then I'm going to be poor and depressed... I'd want a different dart board. That opportunity might have shown itself. When that progresses, I'll tell you more.
On another lil side note... Cousin Fil is going to the Jedi Academy. He is a shrink in training and he used his fucking jedi mind tricks on me last week. I called him up and in 10 minutes he had my mind in a full nelson. I'm going to have to rough him up a bit before his mental powers get out of hand.
Basically, I'm in a strange place right now. I'm happy where I'm at, but not safe. I have a chance to go somewhere that will guarantee saftey (as long as I do my job that is) but it will require another leap of faith and a huge transition. The weirdest part of the whole thing is I'm really happy with the company I work for. It's not like I'm going from a shitty job and trying to find a decent one. I am in a great job and being offered another great job. If I actually get the offer in writting it will be hard to say no, but I've allready said too much.
My stories are like expecting a baby. I don't want to say anything for a few months to make sure everything's going along well because the first few months are the scary time.
Seeing as I'll be up in 4.5 hours to take care of the 3 S's and get on the train I better punch out. See ya when I see ya
So, what's the problem? People find me here. They know who I am. They have an impact on what I do. If you haven't noticed, my name is nowhere to be found on this blog anymore. I've stopped linking here from places that would make me easily identifiable. I used to love to let people in on exactly who I am, but now it's become a burden. If I ever decide to go into teaching, I'm sure a google search for my name coming up with a post dedicated to balkakke would be a bad thing. I've seen the searches that land here and sometimes it's disturbing... and by disturbing I mean awesome.
Here's the deal. I've started a new career, but there are things going on I'd love to talk about that I can't. I can't let this shit out because if I do prematurely then it could blow the whole fucking deal.
If you don't believe me, here's a little story for ya. Last summer I took a picture of a friend of mine's girlfriend sitting on a dock and it ended up on my flickr photostream. Some random person surfing around found the picture, showed it to someone else for no particular reason, that person then goes, "holy shit... I think I know her!" She then emailed the link to my buddy's girlfriend who then asked me about it. She wasn't concerned, but it was bizaro to see stuff that I threw up into the interweb and it found it's way back to me. It's kinda cool in the way putting a return address on a note in a bottle and getting the note back is, but it's a little less warm and fuzzy and more "privacy" oriented.
So where I've been is a good job. I've been spending my nights out around town and my mornings racing to the train. Speaking of... I just fucking realized I have to be on the 6am train tomorrow and it's 1am... fuck.
The real story is where I'm going. For one, I'm going to be around here more. I really like posting here and I'm going to get back to it more often. When? As soon as I get settled. Which has been what I've been begging for over the past 2 years. I just want to be settled. The problem is that 80% of the people who work their asses off at my company don't get settled. They fail. I have a lot of faith in my abilities, but if I was throwing darts and if I hit the bullseye I'm going to be well off and happy... but if I don't then I'm going to be poor and depressed... I'd want a different dart board. That opportunity might have shown itself. When that progresses, I'll tell you more.
On another lil side note... Cousin Fil is going to the Jedi Academy. He is a shrink in training and he used his fucking jedi mind tricks on me last week. I called him up and in 10 minutes he had my mind in a full nelson. I'm going to have to rough him up a bit before his mental powers get out of hand.
Basically, I'm in a strange place right now. I'm happy where I'm at, but not safe. I have a chance to go somewhere that will guarantee saftey (as long as I do my job that is) but it will require another leap of faith and a huge transition. The weirdest part of the whole thing is I'm really happy with the company I work for. It's not like I'm going from a shitty job and trying to find a decent one. I am in a great job and being offered another great job. If I actually get the offer in writting it will be hard to say no, but I've allready said too much.
My stories are like expecting a baby. I don't want to say anything for a few months to make sure everything's going along well because the first few months are the scary time.
Seeing as I'll be up in 4.5 hours to take care of the 3 S's and get on the train I better punch out. See ya when I see ya
posted by NJX70 at 1:08 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home