Realizations and Reflections on a Lonely Saturday NIght
I didn't make plans for tonight so I'm at home alone. I thought it would feel great to have a relaxing night after the past few weekends have kicked my ass. I was wrong. I'm going crazy sitting here. I did have plans, but they fell through last minute. You never realize how nice it is to have someone to fall back on until you fall back and there's nobody there to catch you.
I do have to thank all my friends for being supportive. So far everyone I've needed to be there has been there. I can't thank you guys enough. If I had my truck, I would have probably gone somewhere tonight even if I went out alone just to get out of my house, but another day has gone by without my chariot in the driveway. I guess I'm hitting the train again on monday. Let's hope that's the last day.
Being single for a while now has taught me a lot about myself. I'm learning more and more what weaknesses I have. They are annoying because I never could have known how little I've done a lot of them. Things I never realized are coming up more and more. No ammount of preparation can ever get you ready for gameday. You always find out what you should have worked on when you're out on the field. For one, I have no idea how to approach a chick. None. The times I've found myself talking to girlies has been fun, but i have no idea how to take it from, "hey, great party." to "hey, let me get your number." Last night I was out with Heather and Dave Kapplan. We started out in Hoboken and worked out way to SoHo. I saw plenty of girls I would have liked to introduce myself to, and Heather was trying to convince me to do so, but then I'd tell myself, "ok, dude, just go say hi." and I wouldn't move. I'd just stand there and wonder what the fuck do I do next? It's been so damn long since I've been single that I have no idea how to meet people. I've been hanging out with some lovely ladies, but they are all friends of mine that I've known for a long time. Meeting new people is hard.
You know what else is hard? Driving home when you've been up for 24 hours. I only had a few drinks, but I was so fucking tired on my ride home that I didn't think I was going to make it. I almost stopped in randolph to crash at brad's place. Then I started thinking and realized he'd never have answered his phone and there was no way I was waking up his family by slamming on the door. I just kept driving. Then a guardian angel showed up. An 18 wheeler was behind me and must have realized I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. He put on his brights and blew the horn. I was scared out of my head because I knew he knew what was going on and that's not good. Anyways, he followed me all the way to my exit and if I slowed down or drifted in the lane he'd give a quick blast of the horn. I wanted to see if that's what he was doing so I let myself start to drift out of the lane. The second I hit the line he tooted the ol horn to make sure I was awake. I know that over the road truckers are notorious for having to deal with drowsiness behind the wheel. I'm just glad one of them took me under the ol wing to make sure I was awake for my whole ride. I really didn't know what the plan was for the night, but I kind of figured that if I was going to be out until 4am that someone would have offered me a floor for to crash on. When we were almost home and nobody'd mentioned anything I just got back in the car and started home. I was just so fucking tired all day on friday. I knew it was a bad idea to be out so late, but I had a great time and saw a couple people I haven't seen in years, so it was worth it.
Speaking of, the first bar we went to in Hoboken was a real good time. It was packed, but they were playing great music to dance to and people were having a great time. It was the right vibe to meet someone. Then we went over to SoHo and the first place we stopped was an old speakeasy. It was a really cool looking place, but they were really expensive and they didnt' take plastic, so we moved on without even buying one drink. The next bar was another cool place, but it was small, the music sucked ass, and it had a strange vibe. I lost interest in partying around the time we walked in the door, but I was enjoying the people I was with, so I had no problem with this either. I was really feeling like I was going to fall asleep sitting in the back room, so I ate a NRG and it wasn't enough to really wake me up like I had hoped. I need at least 2 and I forgot to grab some before I left. I was just lucky to have 1 in my pocket.
So that was another fun night out in NYC. I have never... EVER wanted to go to NYC before, but the last two times I was there it turned out to be a blast. I still dont' think I could ever live there, but I can see myself going there from time to time. The only bad part about NYC for me is that if I did in fact meet a dame at a bar there, I live so far away that it really would be counter productive. I don't know what I expect to meet at a bar anyways, but if some miracle happened and I met some broad I'd like to see again the odds she lives in NYC or the immediate surrounding area are high. That puts about an hour between me and this mystery girl. Not acceptable (unless she was amazing... but I digress).
Another thing I learned was that if I was only going out to meet girls I'd have struck out horribly for the past few weeks. I barely even spoke to anyone any weekend I've been out. I've not really met anyone. Basically, in financial consultant words: I've not generated any leads. I know I'm not totally over her yet because writting stuff like this still doesn't feel right, but with the odds I'm working against, I can't fall behind. The more I go out and the more I meet NOBODY the more I realize that I'm going to be single for a long time. It's scary. I don't know where or how I'm going to meet the next girl that will have any interest in me at all. That's a crushing statement. I just want to go out and feel like I'm not going to be alone forever. Even if it's not girls I'm interested in. Just seeing some interest in me would be such a confidence builder.
Now I'm going to put the truth in clear english: Ladies, I don't care how you view yourselves, if you ever want to find a guy, you can. It doesn't matter what you're looking for. Sex, relationships, friendship, whatever. As long as you aren't some 500 lb disaster, all you have to do is wake up in the morning and leave the house and some guy would be into meeting you. It's that simple.
I'm realizing how hard this is.
Some people looooooove quoting Ben Folds... here's one for ya:
Song for the Dumped by Ben Folds and Darren Jessee
So you wanted to take a break
Slow it down some and have some space
Well fuck you too!
Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back
Wish I hadn't bought you dinner
Right before you dumped me on your front porch
Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back...
and don't forget my black T-shirt
I do have to thank all my friends for being supportive. So far everyone I've needed to be there has been there. I can't thank you guys enough. If I had my truck, I would have probably gone somewhere tonight even if I went out alone just to get out of my house, but another day has gone by without my chariot in the driveway. I guess I'm hitting the train again on monday. Let's hope that's the last day.
Being single for a while now has taught me a lot about myself. I'm learning more and more what weaknesses I have. They are annoying because I never could have known how little I've done a lot of them. Things I never realized are coming up more and more. No ammount of preparation can ever get you ready for gameday. You always find out what you should have worked on when you're out on the field. For one, I have no idea how to approach a chick. None. The times I've found myself talking to girlies has been fun, but i have no idea how to take it from, "hey, great party." to "hey, let me get your number." Last night I was out with Heather and Dave Kapplan. We started out in Hoboken and worked out way to SoHo. I saw plenty of girls I would have liked to introduce myself to, and Heather was trying to convince me to do so, but then I'd tell myself, "ok, dude, just go say hi." and I wouldn't move. I'd just stand there and wonder what the fuck do I do next? It's been so damn long since I've been single that I have no idea how to meet people. I've been hanging out with some lovely ladies, but they are all friends of mine that I've known for a long time. Meeting new people is hard.
You know what else is hard? Driving home when you've been up for 24 hours. I only had a few drinks, but I was so fucking tired on my ride home that I didn't think I was going to make it. I almost stopped in randolph to crash at brad's place. Then I started thinking and realized he'd never have answered his phone and there was no way I was waking up his family by slamming on the door. I just kept driving. Then a guardian angel showed up. An 18 wheeler was behind me and must have realized I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. He put on his brights and blew the horn. I was scared out of my head because I knew he knew what was going on and that's not good. Anyways, he followed me all the way to my exit and if I slowed down or drifted in the lane he'd give a quick blast of the horn. I wanted to see if that's what he was doing so I let myself start to drift out of the lane. The second I hit the line he tooted the ol horn to make sure I was awake. I know that over the road truckers are notorious for having to deal with drowsiness behind the wheel. I'm just glad one of them took me under the ol wing to make sure I was awake for my whole ride. I really didn't know what the plan was for the night, but I kind of figured that if I was going to be out until 4am that someone would have offered me a floor for to crash on. When we were almost home and nobody'd mentioned anything I just got back in the car and started home. I was just so fucking tired all day on friday. I knew it was a bad idea to be out so late, but I had a great time and saw a couple people I haven't seen in years, so it was worth it.
Speaking of, the first bar we went to in Hoboken was a real good time. It was packed, but they were playing great music to dance to and people were having a great time. It was the right vibe to meet someone. Then we went over to SoHo and the first place we stopped was an old speakeasy. It was a really cool looking place, but they were really expensive and they didnt' take plastic, so we moved on without even buying one drink. The next bar was another cool place, but it was small, the music sucked ass, and it had a strange vibe. I lost interest in partying around the time we walked in the door, but I was enjoying the people I was with, so I had no problem with this either. I was really feeling like I was going to fall asleep sitting in the back room, so I ate a NRG and it wasn't enough to really wake me up like I had hoped. I need at least 2 and I forgot to grab some before I left. I was just lucky to have 1 in my pocket.
So that was another fun night out in NYC. I have never... EVER wanted to go to NYC before, but the last two times I was there it turned out to be a blast. I still dont' think I could ever live there, but I can see myself going there from time to time. The only bad part about NYC for me is that if I did in fact meet a dame at a bar there, I live so far away that it really would be counter productive. I don't know what I expect to meet at a bar anyways, but if some miracle happened and I met some broad I'd like to see again the odds she lives in NYC or the immediate surrounding area are high. That puts about an hour between me and this mystery girl. Not acceptable (unless she was amazing... but I digress).
Another thing I learned was that if I was only going out to meet girls I'd have struck out horribly for the past few weeks. I barely even spoke to anyone any weekend I've been out. I've not really met anyone. Basically, in financial consultant words: I've not generated any leads. I know I'm not totally over her yet because writting stuff like this still doesn't feel right, but with the odds I'm working against, I can't fall behind. The more I go out and the more I meet NOBODY the more I realize that I'm going to be single for a long time. It's scary. I don't know where or how I'm going to meet the next girl that will have any interest in me at all. That's a crushing statement. I just want to go out and feel like I'm not going to be alone forever. Even if it's not girls I'm interested in. Just seeing some interest in me would be such a confidence builder.
Now I'm going to put the truth in clear english: Ladies, I don't care how you view yourselves, if you ever want to find a guy, you can. It doesn't matter what you're looking for. Sex, relationships, friendship, whatever. As long as you aren't some 500 lb disaster, all you have to do is wake up in the morning and leave the house and some guy would be into meeting you. It's that simple.
I'm realizing how hard this is.
Some people looooooove quoting Ben Folds... here's one for ya:
Song for the Dumped by Ben Folds and Darren Jessee
So you wanted to take a break
Slow it down some and have some space
Well fuck you too!
Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back
Wish I hadn't bought you dinner
Right before you dumped me on your front porch
Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back...
and don't forget my black T-shirt
posted by NJX70 at 2:11 AM
1 Comments:
yeah, I have no ground to stand on, but since when have I ever been patient with anything? I know it's going to take time, but that shouldnt' stop some dames who find me somewhat tolerable from talking with me... or putting up with me talking to them. (:
Oh brunnen
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