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I have no idea what to title this post. This weekend was OK for the store. We did 7 sales on Saturday (one order of 2 phones was cancelled, so only 5 phones, but it was cool to actually do the 7) and only one on Sunday. That is a grand total of 19 phones I belive. I could be wrong, but I think we're close to paying the rent. If we could average 3 a day we'd be doing fine, but now that we are getting closer and closer to Christmas people have less and less time to mess around with cell phones and are in a huge rush. It's hard to get someone to buy a phone when they have 3 kids that know Santa is on his way but he hasn't had time to stop at the mall until a week before the big day. I really like my employees. They are all cool people and have been doing a real good job. Some of them need to have their methods fine tuned a bit because they piss me off at times, but I have to say that I hired a good bunch of people. I think a couple of them realized more so than the rest that the success or failure of this store weighs heavy on my mind. If we aren't doing well or if I get hollered at by Joe G they can tell now. I get a "what's wrong" when I don't expect it and don't think I'm showing my distress. I guess it doesn't just weigh heavy on my mind, it also manifests itself in my mannerisms. I don't want to be old at 24, but I feel like everyday I'm forced to grow up a bit more and be a little more responsible. I know that is what workings all about, but I feel like a tragic hero these days. I also know that is what every pussy that writes a blog says about themselves, but thinking of myself as a tragic hero makes the fact that I am running my head into a wall on a daily basis seem a little more Shakespearean and cool. I simply can't give up and I can't quit. I know that sounds like a good thing, but I feel like I'm pointing my cannons at a superior ship and they are cutting us to bits and I am just standing there in my pirate hat and pointing my sword in the direction of battle knowing good and damn well that this will be my last stand. That is how I feel about a lot of things. I am as loyal and commited a man as I have ever met even when things are obviously not going to get better. I am not saying this store is going to fail. I think we will pay the rent and wages and still make the company some money, but that is going to be a long term accomplishment and short term is all we can afford right now. We are desparately close to broke and need to start seeing results right meow. If we were a bigger company I would be much more content in getting a few phones out a week and building a name for myself because I would know that starting off slow isn't going to kill us. Because of who we are it's not like that at all. If we don't hit the ground running the company could go away. This store is my cross to bear and I will carry it with honor even if that means that everything else in my life is destroyed. That is just how I am.
I miss my girlfriend so much. I haven't seen her in weeks and I don't think I will see her until after Christmas. On some levels that's a good thing because I havent' found a gift for her yet, but Christmas has always meant being with the ones you love for me and because of our families being so far apart we've never been together for Christmas. It really sucks balls. I will be opening my gifts and giving my family their gifts and the whole time all I can think about is Beth. I am a sap. I am the kinda guy who looks forward to the house, kids, dog (and fish hehe) and white picket fence. I am getting older now and it's getting to the point where I wish I was having my own Christmas with my own family. I even started collecting ornaments for my own tree a few years ago. One of my favorite gifts I received last year was an antique glass christmas ornament from my dad. I pictured Beth and I hanging it on our own tree in our own house. It makes Beth VERY uncomfortable when I talk like this, but I am just being honest. I could "edit her out" of this story, but then it wouldn't be right. I can say I picture myself and some random chick that I am with doing these things, but that is not how it is in my head. I have been with her for over 4 years and I have a hard time not picturing us doing the family thing when I'm doing stuff with my family during the holidays. I am going to stop this stream of consciousness before I start getting sease and desist emails.
Here is a little holiday favorite of mine. Listen to the song "rockin around the christmas tree." It's the version from Home Alone, but I dont' know who the broad singing it is. When she says, "Later we'll have some pumpkin pie" it sounds just like she's saying, "Later we'll have some fucking pie." Once you've heard it once, you'll never hear pumpkin again. While we're chatting about music, my favorite Christmas song of all time is Bing Crosby doing I'll Be Home for Christmas. I have always been moved by that song, but once I went to college it took on a whole new meaning. Then when I began working out of state it got even more important to me. I still remember my freshman year after finally recovering from a near fatal case of mono I was back in school at 225lbs (yes I lost 90lbs) and finishing out my semester. I hated my roommate with a passion, was doing awful in school, was so far out of shape and weak that I had a hard time walking up and down stairs and carrying my books, and all I wanted was to go home. I was listening to the radio and Bing came on. I almost lost it sitting in my dorm room. That song is a rock solid promise that no matter how hard life is and no matter how far away you are that you WILL be home for Christmas. It goes back to the tragic hero thing. Even though I am sick and I am weak, I will fight my way home no matter what the cost because YOU are so important to me. That was what it meant to me in college. When I was coaching at MU it took on a slightly differnent meaning. It was almost a battle cry for me. It meant that I will stand up for myself and I will get out of this dead end job and I will not miss this holiday no matter what it means or who I have to knock out to get there. It wasn't a "feel bad for me, I'm a skinny little pussy" song anymore, now it was I am going to be stronger than I've ever been and no matter what I have to do you will see me at the table when dinner is served. Now I live at home. So I'll be home for Christmas, Columbus Day, Leap Year, the next full moon, Labor day, etc. (you get the point) and when I heard that song today my mind went directly to Beth. I want to spend Christmas with her so badly but it's not possible. My family needs me here and her family needs her there. I would be a wreck if I was away from my grandma and my family if I was out in Colorado, and I know beth would be the same if she was here. The song made me feel sad and frustrated because the thing I want most for Christmas I have to let go. I can't stand between her and her family because I love her to much to hurt her, but I want her here so badly. That is when the frustration set in. What happens if we get married? Do we live in Jersey and split the holidays? Do we go out there? I have so much going for me here beyond my stupid job that I can't even dream of leaving, but she has her heart set on raising a family out in Colorado. I look forward to our first Christmas together, but I KNOW that it will be painful. Whichever of us is away from our family will be heartbroken. This is why I am so fucking torn on where my life is going. It's the classic "if you love it, let it go, and if it comes back.... bla bla bla" I know how important family and friends are during the holidays. It is the one time a year I feel like I MUST show everyone in my life how much I appreciate them and spend time with people that are important to me. I love Beth too much to ask that she gives up the rights to what I know I would have an awful hard time living without. It's like you care too much to let yourself care too much, but you can't stop. That was a confusing ass statement. I understant it, but I know I lost some of you. Every December feels like D-Day. I feel like all my decisions on life and love must be figured out, but not acted upon because of my stupid birthday and Christmas. It's like the emotion and importance of Christmas forces me to think through a lot of things. It shines a 2.5 million candlepower flashlight (thanks, Dad! Great gift to fuck around with and shoot down civilian aircraft) on the importance of the people in your life. I can't escape these thoughts no matter what. My heart wants my brain to figure out what the fuck is going to happen but it can't. Then another year goes by and it's the same all over again. If Beth was a Jersey girl and it wouldn't require a monumental change in one of our lives to start living our lives together, we would be. I would have moved ahead with it long ago. Wow, I shared a lot more about my current situation than I ever wanted to, but I re-read it and it's fair and nothing that Beth and I haven't talked about. I promised myself and her that I wouldn't post anything that I couldn't/haven't talked to her about.
OK, it's 2:30 and I need to get into the store. I really wanted to talk about the reunion tour we are trying to get off the ground... ok, the store can wait. I have been playing Rainbow Six 3. That is why my username on here is BYOB Kenobi. That is my gamertag on xbox live and my alter ego. I get to go online and be whatever I want to be. I'm a super soldier and the leader of a huge army and the leader of one of the greatest teams of poeople and a community leader and a fighter and a all american O-Lineman and whatever else tickles my stupid fancy. Quick history of me on R6: I started playing, met up with a guy named Six Shooter who ran a great server, met more people, we all were on each other's freind lists and eventually we were playing on the same team for hours at a time just destroying all comers. We decided to register on a competition website that keeps track of how your roster does against other rosters. That is called a Clan and Clan Competition. Our clan is called Old Boys and we were ranked #2 in the world by the time the game died out for another game in the R6 series. We played as many as 3 matches a night. Each match took between 45 minutes and 6 hours depending on how everything went. I spent more time with the other Old Boys than I did with anyone else for a year. Then the new game came out and things fell apart. We are all still friends, but we only play together a little bit. This week Brad (also on the Old Boys, his tag is Alex Trebek) started playing the old R6, then our buddy Mike from TX (Archangel75) came back, then I came back on, then people started realizing we were playing and we had 5 or 6 of the original 20 on. Now we are tying to get a reuinion tour going. Even though some of us left for other teams and others stopped playing all together, we are getting the word out via our forums and word of mouth that we are going to try and get the team back together and play some more matches for old times sake. Even the guys who left on bad circumstances miss the team so much that they are willing to give up whatever they are doing now in the gaming community to have it like it was. I am so excited about it that I can't even tell you. The time I spent as the leader of Old Boys was the best time I've ever had on a video game. I met hundreds of people from all age groups and all corners of the earth and we were a tight knit and competitive community. I was one of the most respected members of the gaming community for months. I ran into people in real life (at the halo2 midnight launch, so it was just other nerds) that were talking about R6 and I mentioned my gamertag. They almost fell over themselves shaking my hand and asking me questions about things I had posted on the gaming forum and about me and about things that I never thought anyone would remember. I was gamer famous and my team was a respected and powerful member of the gaming community. It was the BEST. If we can all get together for even a week again it would make me so happy. Oh, and if you were wondering, our average age on the team is like 25, so I'm not chatting with teen boys all day, you ass. Six is 35, Gundam is 34 and I am 24. We were the leaders and surrounded ourselves with people like ourselves.
OK, the Old Boys reunion tour should start soon if at all possible. I'm sure you guys could give two shits, but it means a lot to me, so expect to hear more about it soon. Now that I'm "late" for work, I'm leaving. I hope my part timers aren't shitting themselves because they are on their own for a few minutes.
I miss my girlfriend so much. I haven't seen her in weeks and I don't think I will see her until after Christmas. On some levels that's a good thing because I havent' found a gift for her yet, but Christmas has always meant being with the ones you love for me and because of our families being so far apart we've never been together for Christmas. It really sucks balls. I will be opening my gifts and giving my family their gifts and the whole time all I can think about is Beth. I am a sap. I am the kinda guy who looks forward to the house, kids, dog (and fish hehe) and white picket fence. I am getting older now and it's getting to the point where I wish I was having my own Christmas with my own family. I even started collecting ornaments for my own tree a few years ago. One of my favorite gifts I received last year was an antique glass christmas ornament from my dad. I pictured Beth and I hanging it on our own tree in our own house. It makes Beth VERY uncomfortable when I talk like this, but I am just being honest. I could "edit her out" of this story, but then it wouldn't be right. I can say I picture myself and some random chick that I am with doing these things, but that is not how it is in my head. I have been with her for over 4 years and I have a hard time not picturing us doing the family thing when I'm doing stuff with my family during the holidays. I am going to stop this stream of consciousness before I start getting sease and desist emails.
Here is a little holiday favorite of mine. Listen to the song "rockin around the christmas tree." It's the version from Home Alone, but I dont' know who the broad singing it is. When she says, "Later we'll have some pumpkin pie" it sounds just like she's saying, "Later we'll have some fucking pie." Once you've heard it once, you'll never hear pumpkin again. While we're chatting about music, my favorite Christmas song of all time is Bing Crosby doing I'll Be Home for Christmas. I have always been moved by that song, but once I went to college it took on a whole new meaning. Then when I began working out of state it got even more important to me. I still remember my freshman year after finally recovering from a near fatal case of mono I was back in school at 225lbs (yes I lost 90lbs) and finishing out my semester. I hated my roommate with a passion, was doing awful in school, was so far out of shape and weak that I had a hard time walking up and down stairs and carrying my books, and all I wanted was to go home. I was listening to the radio and Bing came on. I almost lost it sitting in my dorm room. That song is a rock solid promise that no matter how hard life is and no matter how far away you are that you WILL be home for Christmas. It goes back to the tragic hero thing. Even though I am sick and I am weak, I will fight my way home no matter what the cost because YOU are so important to me. That was what it meant to me in college. When I was coaching at MU it took on a slightly differnent meaning. It was almost a battle cry for me. It meant that I will stand up for myself and I will get out of this dead end job and I will not miss this holiday no matter what it means or who I have to knock out to get there. It wasn't a "feel bad for me, I'm a skinny little pussy" song anymore, now it was I am going to be stronger than I've ever been and no matter what I have to do you will see me at the table when dinner is served. Now I live at home. So I'll be home for Christmas, Columbus Day, Leap Year, the next full moon, Labor day, etc. (you get the point) and when I heard that song today my mind went directly to Beth. I want to spend Christmas with her so badly but it's not possible. My family needs me here and her family needs her there. I would be a wreck if I was away from my grandma and my family if I was out in Colorado, and I know beth would be the same if she was here. The song made me feel sad and frustrated because the thing I want most for Christmas I have to let go. I can't stand between her and her family because I love her to much to hurt her, but I want her here so badly. That is when the frustration set in. What happens if we get married? Do we live in Jersey and split the holidays? Do we go out there? I have so much going for me here beyond my stupid job that I can't even dream of leaving, but she has her heart set on raising a family out in Colorado. I look forward to our first Christmas together, but I KNOW that it will be painful. Whichever of us is away from our family will be heartbroken. This is why I am so fucking torn on where my life is going. It's the classic "if you love it, let it go, and if it comes back.... bla bla bla" I know how important family and friends are during the holidays. It is the one time a year I feel like I MUST show everyone in my life how much I appreciate them and spend time with people that are important to me. I love Beth too much to ask that she gives up the rights to what I know I would have an awful hard time living without. It's like you care too much to let yourself care too much, but you can't stop. That was a confusing ass statement. I understant it, but I know I lost some of you. Every December feels like D-Day. I feel like all my decisions on life and love must be figured out, but not acted upon because of my stupid birthday and Christmas. It's like the emotion and importance of Christmas forces me to think through a lot of things. It shines a 2.5 million candlepower flashlight (thanks, Dad! Great gift to fuck around with and shoot down civilian aircraft) on the importance of the people in your life. I can't escape these thoughts no matter what. My heart wants my brain to figure out what the fuck is going to happen but it can't. Then another year goes by and it's the same all over again. If Beth was a Jersey girl and it wouldn't require a monumental change in one of our lives to start living our lives together, we would be. I would have moved ahead with it long ago. Wow, I shared a lot more about my current situation than I ever wanted to, but I re-read it and it's fair and nothing that Beth and I haven't talked about. I promised myself and her that I wouldn't post anything that I couldn't/haven't talked to her about.
OK, it's 2:30 and I need to get into the store. I really wanted to talk about the reunion tour we are trying to get off the ground... ok, the store can wait. I have been playing Rainbow Six 3. That is why my username on here is BYOB Kenobi. That is my gamertag on xbox live and my alter ego. I get to go online and be whatever I want to be. I'm a super soldier and the leader of a huge army and the leader of one of the greatest teams of poeople and a community leader and a fighter and a all american O-Lineman and whatever else tickles my stupid fancy. Quick history of me on R6: I started playing, met up with a guy named Six Shooter who ran a great server, met more people, we all were on each other's freind lists and eventually we were playing on the same team for hours at a time just destroying all comers. We decided to register on a competition website that keeps track of how your roster does against other rosters. That is called a Clan and Clan Competition. Our clan is called Old Boys and we were ranked #2 in the world by the time the game died out for another game in the R6 series. We played as many as 3 matches a night. Each match took between 45 minutes and 6 hours depending on how everything went. I spent more time with the other Old Boys than I did with anyone else for a year. Then the new game came out and things fell apart. We are all still friends, but we only play together a little bit. This week Brad (also on the Old Boys, his tag is Alex Trebek) started playing the old R6, then our buddy Mike from TX (Archangel75) came back, then I came back on, then people started realizing we were playing and we had 5 or 6 of the original 20 on. Now we are tying to get a reuinion tour going. Even though some of us left for other teams and others stopped playing all together, we are getting the word out via our forums and word of mouth that we are going to try and get the team back together and play some more matches for old times sake. Even the guys who left on bad circumstances miss the team so much that they are willing to give up whatever they are doing now in the gaming community to have it like it was. I am so excited about it that I can't even tell you. The time I spent as the leader of Old Boys was the best time I've ever had on a video game. I met hundreds of people from all age groups and all corners of the earth and we were a tight knit and competitive community. I was one of the most respected members of the gaming community for months. I ran into people in real life (at the halo2 midnight launch, so it was just other nerds) that were talking about R6 and I mentioned my gamertag. They almost fell over themselves shaking my hand and asking me questions about things I had posted on the gaming forum and about me and about things that I never thought anyone would remember. I was gamer famous and my team was a respected and powerful member of the gaming community. It was the BEST. If we can all get together for even a week again it would make me so happy. Oh, and if you were wondering, our average age on the team is like 25, so I'm not chatting with teen boys all day, you ass. Six is 35, Gundam is 34 and I am 24. We were the leaders and surrounded ourselves with people like ourselves.
OK, the Old Boys reunion tour should start soon if at all possible. I'm sure you guys could give two shits, but it means a lot to me, so expect to hear more about it soon. Now that I'm "late" for work, I'm leaving. I hope my part timers aren't shitting themselves because they are on their own for a few minutes.
posted by NJX70 at 1:47 PM
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