Spit in my face, kick me in the yam bag, and tell me you love me
What a day. I'm glad it's over. I don't know when the next time I'm going to relax will be. I can't sleep at night anymore. Last night I refused to let myself sleep until after 4 AM and then I woke up just about every hour looking at the clock and afraid that I should be at the store. Then once the sun came up I got up and unplugged my phone and put it on my pillow in case someone called. I didn't want to miss anything or anyone. I feel responsible for everything at every second of the day. The mall isn't even open and I feel like I should be there. I just want to sleep and spend an hour or two a day doing things that I enjoy without feeling like I am hiding from something or that I should be somewhere else. Fear, shame, and guilt. What the fuck is wrong with me. I WILL prove my worth. I WILL sell a lot of phones. I WILL prove myself. I WILL solve everything, stand up to those who doubt me, and overcome all problems. It's just who I am. I can't quit, I can't give up, and I must win.
One of the day's problems was that Joe G saw the hours I submitted and saw that I worked 100 hours of overtime over the past two weeks. I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do if nobody else can close the store and if Joe G calls me during the day he without fail WILL tell me to go in early. The mall is open from 7 am to 11 pm and I am required to close the place every single day. I would never ask anyone to work 7 days a week, so on Sundays I open AND close the store and work all the time in between. I dont' even submit hours that I don't do enough to feel like I earned it. For instance, the day the store was delivered I was in at 7 am waiting for the truck. It didn't get in until noon, so I didn't claim those hours that I was just sitting and waiting. When I came in early or stayed late to get things done I didn't claim those hours. When I took 15 minutes to run over to the food court to get something to eat I deducted an hour. When I was out spending my own money to get things for the store I didn't count those hours. The stuff I needed to build the store cost me over $200 and I never asked for that money back. The stools I bought were $30 each, the fax machine/copier was $150, the garbage can was $10, the paper for the copier was $5, the nuts, bolts, and rubber mallet were about $15, the cobalt coated bit I needed to put holes in the aluminum cross members that were not properly drilled cost $10. I have put my money, my time, my soul into this store and I still feel like I should have my tail between my legs for not doing enough to make it succeede. I know Joe G has made a lot of money and has run a very solid business for a decade, so I really don't have any ground to stand on when it comes to my opinion on what should be done. I feel so worthless it's crazy.
On a brighter note, I got jumpstarted into a new plan today. I will not divulge the details, but the wheels are spinning. I just need to find the time it's going to take to set everything up. If it works out, this will be the way I spend most of my time. It might solve all my hourly problems and make my employees more valuable to the company. If this plan works out, I will be worthy of the praise I can't wait to receive. I will overcome an average local network and a bad product image with my intelligence. I am about 25% of the way through my plan. It is a good one, and I hope Joe G is cool with it, but it's going to take some time to get my people up to speed and get them ready to do what I am going to need them to do. I am so proud of this idea that I'm dieing to share it, but that might kill it. If I can set this up, implement it, and take care of it from nothing through success then Joe G WILL be happy because I will make the company a lot of money. I will prove that I'm not just a good soldier but I'm a good general. MY soldiers will perform beyond Joe Gs expectations and it will all be good. I really need to spend a lot of time on this and make sure it's polished and perfect before I let the cat out of the bag to Joe G. I can't wait to finally get my monthly statement and see a huge smile on Joe G's face. I can't wait.
P.S. I made friends with the girl who works at the Nextel booth. She did 20 activations tonight during her shift. She doesn't know how many were done before she got there today, but she said that she didn't count the sale she completed when she got in and relieved the other guy that opened the joint. Why can't it be like that for us?
One of the day's problems was that Joe G saw the hours I submitted and saw that I worked 100 hours of overtime over the past two weeks. I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do if nobody else can close the store and if Joe G calls me during the day he without fail WILL tell me to go in early. The mall is open from 7 am to 11 pm and I am required to close the place every single day. I would never ask anyone to work 7 days a week, so on Sundays I open AND close the store and work all the time in between. I dont' even submit hours that I don't do enough to feel like I earned it. For instance, the day the store was delivered I was in at 7 am waiting for the truck. It didn't get in until noon, so I didn't claim those hours that I was just sitting and waiting. When I came in early or stayed late to get things done I didn't claim those hours. When I took 15 minutes to run over to the food court to get something to eat I deducted an hour. When I was out spending my own money to get things for the store I didn't count those hours. The stuff I needed to build the store cost me over $200 and I never asked for that money back. The stools I bought were $30 each, the fax machine/copier was $150, the garbage can was $10, the paper for the copier was $5, the nuts, bolts, and rubber mallet were about $15, the cobalt coated bit I needed to put holes in the aluminum cross members that were not properly drilled cost $10. I have put my money, my time, my soul into this store and I still feel like I should have my tail between my legs for not doing enough to make it succeede. I know Joe G has made a lot of money and has run a very solid business for a decade, so I really don't have any ground to stand on when it comes to my opinion on what should be done. I feel so worthless it's crazy.
On a brighter note, I got jumpstarted into a new plan today. I will not divulge the details, but the wheels are spinning. I just need to find the time it's going to take to set everything up. If it works out, this will be the way I spend most of my time. It might solve all my hourly problems and make my employees more valuable to the company. If this plan works out, I will be worthy of the praise I can't wait to receive. I will overcome an average local network and a bad product image with my intelligence. I am about 25% of the way through my plan. It is a good one, and I hope Joe G is cool with it, but it's going to take some time to get my people up to speed and get them ready to do what I am going to need them to do. I am so proud of this idea that I'm dieing to share it, but that might kill it. If I can set this up, implement it, and take care of it from nothing through success then Joe G WILL be happy because I will make the company a lot of money. I will prove that I'm not just a good soldier but I'm a good general. MY soldiers will perform beyond Joe Gs expectations and it will all be good. I really need to spend a lot of time on this and make sure it's polished and perfect before I let the cat out of the bag to Joe G. I can't wait to finally get my monthly statement and see a huge smile on Joe G's face. I can't wait.
P.S. I made friends with the girl who works at the Nextel booth. She did 20 activations tonight during her shift. She doesn't know how many were done before she got there today, but she said that she didn't count the sale she completed when she got in and relieved the other guy that opened the joint. Why can't it be like that for us?
posted by NJX70 at 11:09 PM
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