Merry Christmas Eve!

Seeing as it's christmas eve, here is my tree going up.

I didn't go to the show. I was afraid to go alone. I wasn't afraid for my welbeing, I was afraid I'd get lost and then show up late and then look like such a loser sitting alone or with a group of people I would hate or whatever. Too many variables that I was not prepared for. I bet Jim was great.

I did get my shopping done. I only got Beth a standard unemotional gift. I am going to try again before she gets back on Sunday to get her something that will be meaningful, but I am drawing blanks over and over again. I could go sappy college kid and make her a CD with her gift. That is always nice. I enjoy sharing music I like with her that she probably hasn't heard. I guess I should buy some CDs. I got Brad exactly what he had asked for on his birthday that I thought was too easy. I called Carly and asked her what she got him because if I matched gifts twice it would have been tragic. Especially when Brad has stepped up his gift giving. I have a good gift idea for Pete, but I don't know his address and haven't done my homework. I'll have it for New Years, but he might not be there so I'll probably just email his brothers and see if I can get his address and have it shipped there. It's something small, so I don't think I need to make this super public knowledge because I don't want him feeling he has to get me soemthing. I know there is a good chance he's reading or I'd say what it is and you'd all realize it's just a tiny little joke gift. Under $10 and I think under $5 and I wasn't looking for a gift for him and just ran over it. So Pete, if you're reading, don't get me shit, it's NOTHING. I did real well for my sister. She has the thoughtful gift of the year, tomorrow I'll explain. My cousing Tony aka Bob Hulk is going to make out like a bandit. I went to Foot Locker who now owns Eastbay, Champs, and Footaction and got him some nice clothes for damn near nothing on top of a book. The book sounds lame, but you have to understand why it's great. I got him Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea. For any normal kid who's been through highschool english class it was required reading, but Tony is 19 and just started really reading a few years ago. He is handicapped and like I've said before he is developmentally at that point where games and toys are fun, but uncomfortable to receive. That book is short, the type is big, and it's a classic that I love to this day. I will one day be a literature teacher. I love books and I love the classics. I want to teach people how amazing the books they are forced to read are when they are presented properly. So I thought this year I'd give Tony a "grown up" present that would have meaning and substance but wouldn't be overwhelming. Hemingway has a really nice way of writting that is plain and powerful. Even if he doesn't understand the underlying struggle and the true meaning of the book, it's a great story in it's most basic right. I really hope he reads it and likes it because if he does, I'd love to bring books into his life. Anyone who loves movies and has an imagination should fall head over heels for a good book. I really really hope I can be the one that opens his eyes to the classics. I don't ever expect him to sit through The Tempest but I do think there are a lot of books that he will really find interesting. I got Phil and my father really amazing books too. I hope they like them. I got my mother a gift from Hickory Farms. It isn't the sausage or the crackers that she will like, those are not allowed on her diet, but it's the serving board. It's a cutting board with a build in slicer. Every holiday when she serves cheese and crackers we use a little knife to cut everything that is sharp as hell and designed poorly. One of these days someone's going to cut half their hand off for some chedder. Not anymore! I just hope the holiday snacks don't get her down.

Tonight is the Italian Christmas Eve dinner that has ruined my Thanksgiving forever. I no longer look forward to turkey and stuffing. Now I look forward to the 7 fish. According to tradition, eating 7 different kinds of fish on Christmas Eve brings good luck for the upcoming year. More importantly it means I will be bursting at the seams with a gut full of shrimp, muscles, clams, crab legs, lobster, Bakala Salad, and Cod. What a meal. I look forward to this all year. It is the single best meal any man could ever look forward to and my aunt Lilian that we call Tsi tsi (Italian for aunt) is an AMAZING cook. I don't find much identity in my Italian heritage, but any time she fires up the oven I'm Vito Corleone. I dont' look down on my heritage, I just see myself as American. I don't know if it looked that way or not, but I have to cover all the bases. We have to get there early because there is always so much food that if we don't spread it out we will not survive through desert. In order to enjoy it all we have to be there basically for lunch and then just eat straight through dinner. I'm pumped.

Joe G is calling my phone over and over, but I am not interested in hearing from anyone at the office today. I can't go to the store at this point because I'll miss dinner. I don't care if I lose my job, I'm not going in today. I have to be in on Sunday which I hate enough, I don't need to be there today. I also could care less because he's in Fairview. The numer is unknown on my phone wich means he's sitting at his desk cursing me out for not answering my phone. Now my house line is ringing. If he is calling my house, it better be fucking important...
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OK, it was Jackie. She put Joe G on the phone who said that we're getting fined for not being open. If it was importatn for us to be open today then he should have let me know it was important. Telling me, "eh, not a big deal, I don't want you working on Christmas Eve, maybe a half day, whatever, we'll decide later, not a big deal." Is not "You have to open the place because it's Mall policy. I don't want you to work, but we have no choice." Fuck it. I am not going in. This might be my only 2 days in a row off for a long time. He asked me, "Is Rose around?" "No." "ok, ok, whatever. I'll talk to you on Monday" <- the way he said it was fake happy. I don't know how to type it so you understand. Something tells me that this will be a great excuse to not pay me for my overtime that I'm owed or to go so far as to pass the fine along to me. I'll be damned if I pay a dime for a miscommunication. Hopefully this is the straw that broke the stupid over loyal dope's back I've been waiting for so I can leave and have no regrets. I guess we'll see.
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Joe G just called me from a number I don't recognize so I answered thinking it might be someone I actually wanted to talk to. He asked me for Rose's number. I gave it to him, but now I feel bad for her. He's going to call and order her in I know it. I hate malls.
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Joe G again. "what's your fucking problem?" "what? What are you talking about?" "I wish you a merry christmas and you hang up in my face?" I didn't hear any merry christmas, I heard "allright, later." And I hung up. Now he thinks I'm being a dick. I am not happy with these calls, and I can't fake happiness, but I did wish him a Merry Christmas as well and he is going to keep trying to reach Rose. He also said we're open on New Years. So much for everything I had planned. Speaking of, I need to put my check for the party in Boston in the mail. No pickups today or tomrrow or sunday, but monday the check will still be sitting in my mailbox. If I have to just stay up and drink coffee until 6 or 7 to sober up and then drive back I will... no wait, I won't. I'll schedule someone else to come in around noon and then I'll get in when I get in. This New Years sucks balls allready. I hate it. I can't do well for myself on December 31st no matter how great my friends plans are. Then there's Beth's thing which I shouldn't discount. WTF? Oh, and on that same note, I almost got in my truck and started driving for CO yesterday. I really want to be with her for Christmas, but there is no way. It's logistically impossible, but I came real close. I was gassing up right off of 80W and while I was waiting for all 30.5 gallons I just kept thinking, "I could just keep going west. If I just drive I could be there by tomorrow at this time." I heard a tale once that was an African folk story. A poor boy wanted to give his teacher a gift. She always talked about how she wanted to see the ocean one day, so he walked for days to the beach and picked up a handful of sand. He walked it back for days and when he got back to his landlocked country and gave it to his teacher it was the best gift she had ever received because of how hard he had to work to get it. Typical "it's the thought that counts" or "the effort is what's important" or "sand rocks!" story. I figured even if I only had an average gift if I drove 2/3rds of the way accross the country to give it to her it would make it so much better. Basically I pussied out. I was there, I had all the stuff I needed to just drive and I didn't. I have plenty of money, I had some clothes, I had her gift, I had the desire... but I still pussied out. I guess I'm no poor african boy.

So here I am, feeling that sick feeling in my gut that I should be at the store on my favorite holiday. New Wave Isaac needs to come out more. I had the perfect opportunity to tell Joe G how it is but didn't. This sucks. I guess New Wave is going to have to start out as a little splash somewhere far away. Mabye this is the beginning? Nah, I'm a bitch.

No desire to bitch today. None whatsoever, but here I am.

I got a friend into Everquest yesterday. I feel like a drug dealer. I know he's hooked allready. It was 5 am and I wanted to log for the night and he wanted me to teach him to make arrows so he could get himself ready for tomorrow. He's a lvl 10 ranger and wants to get using his bow. I was following him around with my cleric watching out for his well being so he could just fight and fight and fight. Now that he's 10 I can group my Necromancer Yartox with him and he can see how the game really is when a high level healer isn't watching your back. I can only imagine how long he stayed on after I left. I bet he's either still sleeping, or he's in the game. He just kept saying, "this is the best game ever." I love it, and I knew he'd love it, but I feel bad now because this game consumes all free time if you let it. This is the kind of game that will make you rush home and play until you get blurry eyed. Normally introducing someone to a fun game is great, but you never know with this one. If you get in too deep it is dangerously addicting. I even got him in my guild. I set him up for extreme addiction. Go me! Before I leave today I'm going to log in and see if he's on for shits and giggles. I also ran into an old friend of mine Rardoan who sold me some gear that I could NEVER afford for next to nothing. I got a good 20k of goods for 1k. It was all the money I had, but it was nowhere near what they were worth. I can't wait to try out my new Reaver and armor. Thus, the reason why you are always addicted. No matter how far you go, you can always do better and become a force in the community. I can't wait until my buddy gets to the level where he can group with my warrior. It sucks because I've fallen behind the guys I used to run with because I haven't been playing. Now that I promised I'd help Dubya/Dendo out I have to put my main character, Baromen, on the backburner for another week or two.

I love Beth, EQ, Christmas, 7 fish, and not going to work.