See you in Hell, 2005

Well, it's over. I made it. It's 2006. Beyond that, it's all up in the air. I had a great night tonight even though my plans fell through. I stayed home. I treated this night just like any other night, and I'm happy.

I get too emotional on new years. I feel like I have to do so much and that I've fallen so short of my goals that it all ends up in alcohol and tears. I'm happy I'm sober.

It's nights like these that I wonder about a lot of things. I am trying hard not to look back again, but it's hard. As you can see, it's after 4am and I'm still awake. I can't stop thinking about this year. All the shit I've been through, all the pain I've felt, all the life I've lived, all the people I've met, everything. My life has never changed so much in any other 1 year period since I was born.

I was trying to decide which NJX70 was better, jan06 or jan05. By January of 05 I was allready on this path. It's been so long since I was comfortable. I just want that comfort back. I don't even want to get into it.

I made two good friends who I hope are a part of my life no matter what happens with my job. Helder and Goldy are awesome. Making those two friends was probably the highlight of 05. Lowlight is fucking obvious and doesn't need to be revisited.

fuck, all roads lead to me complaining, so I'm going to go to bed.

Speaking of, my stupid cpap mask is bruising my forehead. I don't know why, I've changed nothing, but now I look like I have been wearing an ill fitting football helmet. Hopefully my head gets used to it as if it was a football helmet.

I'm so tired... goodbye