I have been through a lot. Luckily I still have a support system that has helped me along the way or I'd be in some DEEP shit. None the less, it's the 20th and I still have only had one job offer and they offered me basically zero dollars.
I graduated from a great school, I've done some pretty good things since, but now that I'm fighting for a job... there are none to be found.
What makes it even harder is that every time something comes up in a job description or in an interview that makes it sound like most of my pay will be commissions I feel like running through a wall.
The best way to describe what I feel like is this: I feel like I'm a contestant on a game show that has to pick a key out of a bowl and try to start the luxury car. I get in, the crowd counts down 3... 2... 1... I turn the key BLAMO! Pipe bomb in the car and I'm blown to bits. Of course, I live in a cartoon world in my head, so I'm fine in the next picture. I get up, brush myself off, walk back to the bowl, take a nice long look, find one that seems perfect. I pick it up, walk back over to another car, turn the key... BLAMO! Rinse. Repeat.
That "WHAT'S BEHIND DOOR NUMBER THREE????" situation has been going on in all facets of my life. I haven't caught a break on anything in over 2 years. It's not like I'm lacking effort. Of course, I defaulted to my favorite defense mechanism... burying my head in the sand. I have cut out everything but the job search. I don't like telling my story a million times about how I ended up unemployed and what happened here and who said this and I thought that... bla bla bla, so I've been praying that the car comes to life and I drive away instead of being decimated in an explosion while keeping the lowest profile I've kept in years.
The biggest part about the game refference is my conscious decision to choose one of my options and then watching it blow up in my face. Then I feel like it's my fault because I should have known better. It's also my OL mentality that says if I just give it one more try I'm going to get something good for a change. BLAMO! Rinse. Repeat.
I'm smarter now... I think.... I understand how things work. I gave commission only finance one more try and it was awful, so I've turned down upwards of 10 offers to join this financial institution or that one. I know how valuable a guaranteed dollar is. I learned the brutal nature of coming in and out of NYC on a daily basis. I'm learning what industries are in demand in the workforce. I have a better understanding of what a real career is and what is a bullshit "take a pile of people and throw them in the water... one's gotta survive" kinda hoax. I feel much better prepared to spot a job that's actually going to go somewhere. I'm no longer in the market for a 1 in 6 chance of success. I want to take a job with responsibilities and know that as long as I do them I'm doing well.
Armed with all this knowledge I'm slowly sinking into this strange depression watching one sure thing after another fade away and send the "Good luck finding a job" emails. The ones that want me offer me less than I was making in high school.
When do I get my break? When does one thing go my way?
