Sunday, February 27, 2005

Some links

Thought I'd post a quick note and throw some links in here:

Napoleon Dynamite soundboad
http://www.collegehumor.com/news/2005-01-20.napoleon.php

Some fat fuck dancing to a brazilian dance song... funny as shit
http://www.orapois.com/home.php?page=multimidia&tit=op

Dave sent me this link. It's basically a porno put out by BU undergrads that is college kids. I'll be subscribing.
http://www.boinkmagazine.com/


Full Metal Jacket Soundboard... in German
http://caspah82.tripod.com/FMJ-Soundboard.htm

Just a lil something for a sunday

Saturday, February 26, 2005

New life

I love my new life. I was scared I wouldn't be able to handle leaving for work at 6 and coming home at 7 every weekday. I didn't think I had it in me to do all this and still be motivated to do my job well and to have a life. As it turns out, I'm doing just fine. This week was easier to get through than last week. Week one was hard because I couldn't sleep at night and I was very tired during the day. This week was much easier. I only fell asleep on the train once and that was because I forgot to bring reading material so I had nothing to do for my 50 minute ride. I know it's ok to sleep on the train, but I don't like it. I'm afraid I'll wake up at penn station in NYC. I'm also getting used to wearing a suit everyday. I can take my jacket off when I get in if I want to, but I study better when I feel as professional as I can and the jacket is part of that.

So here is how my job goes (quckly) and I'm going to get into the actual interesting stuff. I get off the train at 7:30 am in morristown, get some breakfast and a 2 copies of the wallstreet journal, and go into work. Me and Helder (my co-trainee and office sharer) are normally the only ones in at that time besides a couple of the older guys who are in at that time every day. I give him his paper, we shoot the shit for about 5 minutes, then it's to my series 7 prep book. I study for about 2 hours and Brian comes in. Brian is a guy with 5 years experience who has the authority to make us cold call people for him to try and find leads. It helps us because we're on the phone, it helps him make money. I don't like it at all because I'd rather be getting ahead in my studies, but I don't have much choice, so I call aprox. 68 people a day. I have been doing well with my calling. I have had something like 10 yeses out of 30 actual contacts and I'm feeling very confident on the phone. So after Brian (who will from this point forward be known as Clark Kent due to his Clark Kent like hair) leaves, I got back to studying. I take a few tests, call st.louis a few times to get some help, and by the time I look up from my book it's 3pm. The last 2 hours are hard because I've been reading page after page of difficult shit for the past 6 hours, but I'm getting better at buckling down later in the day and it's not so bad.

5pm rolls around and I'm off to catch the 5:30 train. I ride home, read my wallstreet journal that I didn't have time to read all day, and I get home at 7.

Here's the good part (for me):

Last week all I wanted to do was get home, eat, get on the internet for an hour or so and go to bed. I didn't want anything to do with talking to people, making plans, nothing. When friday rolled around all I could think about doing was sleeping and reclining in my chair. That was all I did last weekend and it felt great. I was recharged and ready for week2. This weekend I'm feeling very different and it's so encouraging that I feel great. Friday night I didn't want to be in my house. Hear that, world? I didn't want to be in my house last night. I was driving home and I wanted to make plans to go out and do something for the first time in YEARS. I didn't feel like a hermit anymore! I was getting to the point, for a while, where all I wanted was to be left alone. I didnt' want to see anybody or do anything. I stood up friends, didn't see people I should want to see, I didn't have anything I wanted to do besides sit in my house and either sleep or play video games and that's all changed! I don't knwo what it is. It may be the regular sleep pattern or the weight off my shoulders that now my life isn't a mess. It may be that I got great news this week about my future or that I'm enjoying my job. I don't know where the magic bullet came from, but last night, and today, I wanted to go out and do something!

Oh, before I go too far, the great news I got was how well some of our senior brokers are doing. One of our guys, who isn't our best guy, is averaging $110,000 a MONTH in residuals. A month, in residuals, not counting the new business he brings in. From my standpoint, knowing what I have to bring in to have a decent check every month, it was looking quite ominous. I only get about 1.25% of every investment over the life of the investment. The residuals (aka trails) don't kick in until the 13th month and you can get a small commission from the security holder (corporation that funds mutual fund, etc) at the time of the sale. That boils down to bringing in 5 million to make $50,000 a year. Sounded impossible and I saw myself being broke for a long time. Now, hearing that little tid bit made me feel soooo much better because it's very possible, at my specific office, to bring in VERY good money. It's all in how you do it, and if it comes down to selling, I'll do just fine. It's still going to take time, but if there is all that money out there just waiting to be invested, I'll find a way to get my piece of the pie.

Back to tonight. You may be asking youself why I didn't do anything this weekend if I was so pumped to get out. There are two reasons for this. The first is that it was snowing like crazy, the second is that the snow knocked out my cell phone. I've never had a problem with service since I got my phone and for the past 48 hours... nothing. Not a bit of service. My guess is a tower was knocked out in the storm. It was super icy and that normally can do it. Should I have just picked up my house phone and called people from there? Yes. Did I think of that before just now? No.

I am jumping all over, but I haven't been posting much (as you can see) and my mind is racing about what I want to say. After I heard about how much money the good brokers make at my office I got on the train and opened my wsj and it had a section called "The Weekend Journal." inside. I keep seeing announcements that they are putting out a weekend issue soon and I guess this is how they are promoting it. I open it up, flip through a few pages of how to entertain yourself when you think way too highly of your social status, and then I got to the real estate section. It was called something like, Elite Executive Real Estate, or something close to that. I was looking at these houses that make all 3 houses my family's ever owned put together look like a shed and I thought to myself, "damn, I never really wanted a big house, but these are amazing. I wonder what kind of people buy these...." and I stopped. What kind of people look in the wall street journal for their next house? What people have the money to buy a 5.5 million dollar mansion? Who lives this life? Me. I do. This could be MY life. I dont' think any time soon I'm going to see more than 40 or 50 grand in a year, but holy shit. That is where I could be if I work hard. I could be one of the people in a house like that. I could be living that life. I could have that kinda money. Me. The guy who used to do immitations of animals being hit by lawn mowers, the guy who wouldn't have went to college if he didn't play football, the guy who picked the easiest business major just because that was what his father reccomended and he didn't give a shit what degree he got, the guy who skipped more classes than he went to and drank till he blacked out twice a week, the guy who wore the same FU football sweats for almost an entire semester, the guy who peddled hair buzzers and knock off watches, the guy who stood in a box and pushed cell phones in a place with no service, me. Me. I was actually stunned sitting on that train. I wanted to go home and study so hard that I would know that damn series 7 inside and out. I wanted to thank my dad for making me go to school and giving me the cash I needed to make it through comfortably. I wanted to just thank everyone who'd pushed me to do well even though my own sloth kept me back at all chances. Am I making the money now? No. Do I have a guarantee that I will? No. Can I fail miserably? Yes. The thing that is making me so excited is that I made it. I made it in to a job faire and portrayed myself in a way that got me a desk in an office overlooking a cemetary in Morristown with my own computer and phone, and chair and everything. This is like every sports analogy you can think of. I have the ball in my hands now. Everything is in place. I'm 10 feet from the basket with a clear line to the hole. The play worked great and there it is, my chance. I got myself to this spot and I'm proud. I have every tool at my disposal, every piece is in place, and everything is perfect. It's all on me now and I will not fail.

Again, thank you everyone who saw more in me than I saw in myself.

And if you were wondering when this trend of laziness started... birth. When I was in kindergarten my teachers had me evaluated and I passed with such flying colors that they wanted me to read up on some stuff and basically skip a grade. All I had to do was read a book, take some tests, and come back to school in september a 2nd grader after my kindergarten summer. My mother gave me the option to do it or not do it... I didn't do it. My buddy Jason did. Jason is married with a couple kids and has a job as an engineer down in virginia making huge money....... I just realized I'm not doing too shabby either, am I? ahahahahahaha. I'm glad I enjoyed my summer.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Week 1

What a week. This job still is not a reality to me. I hop on the train at 6:30 in the morning in my suit and ride into morristown. I then walk to the office building, get my copy of the wallstreet journal and some coffee and I'm off. I then sit and study from my series 7 prep book from 8am to 5pm. At 5 I pack up and walk back down to the train station and come home. I hop off at the hackettstown station at 6:30 PM and I'm home by 7. It feels SOOOO good to be able to get up at the same time every morning and get home at a reasonable hour every night. When I'm selling I'll be spending a couple nights a week and a few saturdays a month in the office, but that won't be a problem because I will be doing those things to improve my sales and make more loot. I brought my book home to study this weekend, but haven't really advanced that much. I was behind a day from where St. Louis (headquarters) says I should be because I got my books a day late, but I'm just about caught up now. I just need to keep at it and I'll be fine. I've been testing well and believe I'm really learning a lot. I am being trained with another guy named Helder, and there is a third person in my office named Ari. Ari (Harry without the H) has allready passed his series 7 and has his health and life certifications, but he's still in training. He's a great help because all the crap I have to know for this test is still fresh in his mind. Helder is great too because it's someone going through the same shit and someone to talk to. I really hope we both make it.

That being said, I don't know what happens if I don't pass the test, but I'm not going to find out either. Best advice I've received has come from about 10 different people: Learn the shit, take the test, forget the shit. Allegidly once you've passed the exam you can forget everything you've learned. From what I can tell, this studying gives me knowledge of everything having to do with securities, but once I'm ok to start selling, all I really need to know is the product because I'll be selling it just like anything else.

I did my first round of cold calls on friday. I dialed 38 people, talked to 8, and 3 wanted our mailing (my only goal was to get them to OK us to send them a simple mailing). This selling shit is simple. I bet I'm going to be just fine once I"m out on my own.

I'm trying to wind down from the weekend of sleeping and studying so I'm ready to rock and roll again tomorrow morning. This doesn't feel real and I'm sure it won't for a long time. Oh, and anyone who has any connections to apartments in Morristown, let me know. The sooner I get moved into my own place the better.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

First worknight for new job

I am 1.5 hours behind my schedule allready. I planned on being asleep by 10pm so I'd have no problem getting up at 6 to get dressed and ready for work. That involved being showered, having my clothes (which suit, which tie, which shirt) picked out, and being done with my "homework" I was given. What did I do? I welded all day at Brad's house, came home and ate, finished my "homework" and now it's 11:30 so I thought I'd waste more time and post something here for you all to enjoy... or to waste some time at your job.

I am so excited I don't know what to do... I guess a good start would be a shower and a shave before bed. Why don't I shit and make it the 3 Ss? I think I will. Enjoy that mental picture.

Allright, I just wanted to say hi and then go to sleep on my first worknight before a real job. I am so nervous and excited. I am just going to take it one step at a time. First priority is waking up, second is making the train, third is finding the way to the office, fouth is what to do when I get there, fifth is getting the train home, sixth is getting enough sleep tomorrow night. Obviously step 4 is the most significant, but if any of the other steps leading up to 4 fall through, I am up shit's creek sans paddle. I don't think I have any chance of oversleeping when I'm this excited.

I am going to punch the clock at AG Edwards tomorrow... that fact hasn't sunk in yet.

Friday, February 11, 2005

I am a turtle

1stdaycamp
This is a scan of the my calendar for August 18th, 2000. It was my first day of college football camp and my first real night at fairfield university. The text reads: "Go back to sleep, Chuck. Your just havin' a nightmare-----of course, we are still in hell."

Tonight friends called and wanted me to go out. For some reason the idea of going out drinking sounded wrong when I have to go to work on monday. I'm rediculous, but I didn't go and I couldn't think of any reason why not besides I'm freaked out about my new job and I want to just zone out and let my last few days tick by as slowly as possible while I orgainze my thoughts and get ready for a battle with the series 7, a normal work schedule, and a high pressure job. I am so freaked out I can't sleep, I dont' want to eat, and I have that sickening feeling that you get when you come to school and realize your book report is due and you didn't do it. I don't know why I feel like this. I don't want to see anyone. I have plans to go out tomorrow night and if there was any way in hell I could blow them off I would because I'm in turtle mode where I just want to crawl back into my shell and be left alone. I really want to see the person I have plans with, but I am almost to the point of afraid to leave my house for fear of fucking something up or running out of time to take care of last minute things. I want to sleep, weld, and do stuff on the computer until monday. I am on call for nothing. It's like a doctor who is always ready to go in, but I have nothing I really need to get done and nothing to really be worried about, but I cant' freaken sit still. I did hear back from Bill and I'm to be in the office at 9am monday. I'm so scared.

So I don't have an apartment yet. I am trying to find something under a thousand bucks a month that is close to my job, but morristown thinks it's freaken manhattan all of a sudden. What the fuck is up with the rent???? Average apartment I saw: 1 bedroom - 1,100 a month, 2 bedroom - 1,500 a month. If my buddy Brad was gung ho about moving to morristown I'd have no problem paying the $750 a month for a nice 2 bedroom, but he's happily living at home and is going to wait another year or so to save up more money before he moves out. JJ was an option, but I dropped a subtle hint that I was looking for a roommate to a man who prides himself on picking up on subtletees and got no response. Drufus has no job and there are jobs in morristown, but his family needs him up in CT so he will not be looking to relocate, job or no job, and that's totally understandable. Everyone else out there has their shit together and doesn't need to move. I, on the other hand, have a family who wanted to move out into the woods for no fucking reason and have no option to commute from my house. It's an hour fucking drive during NYC rush hour on 2 heavily driven NYC bound roads. To anyone from outside the greater New York area: NYC traffic is the worst! People drive like assholes because they feel they have to do so to survive. They even corrupt the PA drivers who are some of hte best in the country. The PA to NYC commuters are awful. I would rather shoot myself in the leg and then masturbate with a cheese grater than commute during rush hour anywhere near a main highway that leads to NYC. I'll have to leave at 6am to get there by 9. I know there's a train that goes in, but I dont' know the schedule yet. I hope to figure that out tomorrow. That will have to do until I find a place to live.

I can't sleep again tonight. That is why I'm posting. I have been a wreck all week. I don't want this job to start... I want to wake up and be a year into the job and doing well. What a 180. I went from jerk off job in a mall kiosk to a job where I have to be in a conservative suit and tie, get crazy certifications, and handle millions of dollars. I just pray to God that it works out. This could be my big break. Or it could be the worst failure of my life. We'll have to see, won't we?

So to sum this up, I didn't go out tonight becasue I'm a scared pussy who can't do anything when i"m overwhelmed and this new job that I know nothing about is so overwhelming that I'm going to have an ulcer and go blind from staring at my computer screen reading up on shit I think I'm going to need to know before I even start. Once I start I am going to be studying for a test 12 hours a day 7 days a week that if I don't pass I will be fired. Just typing this paragraph has made my stomach hurt. I am physically ill over this all and I just need it to happen allready and get it over with.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Quiet before the storm

Well... quiet isnt' the right word. Lack of direction would be a better one. I am now between jobs. That means that I have to get my shit together and be ready to start my career in about a week. I have been doing research, looking at apartments, and getting my wardrobe up to par. I spent 1,700 bucks on suits this past saturday. I've been stressed out but not really by what's going on around me, by the lack of absolute direction. I know about what I have to do, but I'm not 100% certain one way or the other. I have been reading books, but I don't know if they are the right ones. I have been looking for an apartment, but I don't know exactly when my job will start aka when I'll have money. Basically, I've been running around but not really sure where I'm trying to get to.

Today was a nice break from my normal schedule filled with reading about sucessful brokers and playing EQ. Brad stopped by and we took my welder for a spin. I bought it because I got a $300 welder for $50 when I worked at home depot... years and years ago, but I never used it. Welding is one of those things where either you know what you're doing and it's a no brainer, or you are two idiots with a lot of time on your hands shooting steel boogers all over the place. We were the two idiots. We did make strides and now know how to operate the machine, change wire, etc. I actually was feeling pretty good by the end of the afternoon... besides the fact that we were accidentally burning plastic the whole time and making my garage stink like burning metal and plastic smoke. Now that Brad has realized how much fun welding is he will do all the research and get all the information to figure this mystery out. You would think it would work like a hot glue gun only with metal... you'd be almost right, but not really. The idea's the same, but there isn't a lot of room for error. If you don't set it up just right you are going to end up with a piece of metal that looks like the surface of Mars and a bad joint.

I've heard from experienced welders that you start out with scrap, you move up to an end table, then to a table, then to a stool, then a bench, then a chair, and then you can move onto automotive stuff. Once you've fabricated all that other garbage you should have a good enough feel for what you're doing to get the job done on your truck... which is my goal. I have a lot of things I'd like to do to my Ramcharger, but a lot of them are expensive just because I have to pay someone else to do them right now. This will be the first skill I pick up to help me do the work on the restoration/build up myself.

Again, I am sorry for my lack of posts recently. I have gone between hating myself and loving myself so rapidly that I really didn't want to post when I was feeling strongly one way or the other. Right now I'm tired... and that's a good enough middle ground for me.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Saying goodbye

I hate goodbyes. Even when it very well could be the best thing you've ever done, saying goodbye is hard. It's not the fact that you are not going to be around, it's that you are permanently never going to be in the same situation ever again. If it wasn't final, things like goodbye would be easy.

I said goodbye to two things today. The first one was passive. I got a call from the NJ Xtreme about our first mini camp starting monday. I am not going to go. Goodbye, Xtreme. That was sooooo hard to do. Second was to my store. I have cleared my schedule starting Sunday and from there on out. As of Sunday I will no longer work at WCB. It's not like I'm fired and have nothing, I have a job with AG Edwards now. I just am going to miss showing up in jeans and being in controll. Now I'm back to entry level, trainee, new guy. If everything works out I'll be rocking and rolling in 6 months. If it doesn't, I'll be struggling to make it through the day. That is the risk I am taking. I am giving up football and a low activity schedule for a fast paced and challenging career. I know this is what's best, but damnit if I didn't want to get myself ready for minicamp. It's going to be a long six months.

I have been reading books to get myself aquainted with better sales techniques ever since I took the job. I finished Cold Calling Techniques (that really work!) yesterday and I started Little Red Book of Selling today. If by started you mean picked it to be read next. I will get into it as soon as I finish this post. CCT(trw) was a great book. It was only $5 and it gave me some really easy tips on how to make better cold calls and how to see better results without having to sound like an ass on the phone. Cold calling is way outside my comfort zone, but I did it anyways. If I had read this book first I would have been so much more comfortable and sucessful. Simple stuff like what you need to get accross in your opening, how to turn around negative answers, how to avoid negative answers, when to just say "thank you" and hang up, etc. This should be required reading for all telemarketers. I would accept more calls from them if they treated me like this guys says to treat all your leads. I have been paying attention to what people say to me during cold calls (especially at work) and they suck.

Smiggz sighting #3. He's a cool guy. I hope he makes it in the hip hop community.

Customer just came up and reported her phone was JUST stolen about 20 feet from my store. If my memory serves, she was the same woman who hadn't paid her bill in 3 months and came up asking if I could get it turned back on with a $20 payment. Anytime someone talks to me about their existing account (unless they want another line) I immediately think FRAUD!!!

Allrighty, folks. I have to go read for a couple hours and shut down the store.

goodbye

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

So angry this morning

I woke up angry this morning because I had a very distinct memory from 4th grade. We used to go to the library once a week and work on library skills. We would look up items in the card catalog, read, learn how to use different reference books, etc. One day we were working on finding words in a dictionary. The problem was that they made it into a competition where out of the 20 students in my class the first 10 to complete a worksheet won a bookmark. The worksheet was a list of words that we had to look up and write down the page numbers where they were found. It took me all fucking 42 minutes to find all those stupid fucking words. I don’t even think I finished it. I was so frustrated and angry by the end of class that I almost had a breakdown in the library. I am AWFUL at looking up stuff in a dictionary to this day. Not as bad as I was in 4th grade, but I know I’m slower than most.

My failure wasn’t what made me angry this morning though. No, I was mad because I had a vivid memory/dream as I was waking up and the first thought I made as a conscious and awake person was that I now can look up any fucking word I want on http://www.m-w.com/. It made me so mad today that I was so fucking crushed by my lack of ABC order skill in 4th grade which is now absolutely 100% worthless in 2005. I want those 42 minutes back! Oh and how do you like me now? Stupid fucking librarian! I will never do research, look anything up, or find any sort of definition on paper ever again, you assholes. Next they should have taught us how to use an abacus or maybe to read Sanskrit? Who knows? Maybe I’d find working a printing press with the letters on blocks that have to be moved around as usefull as my HP All-in-One Printer, Scanner, Copier.

FUCK YOU, LIBRARY

I was so mad that after I typed the whole post and blogger.com said there was an internal error I typed the whole thing over. That is what you read above. Then I sign on a few hours later, and badabing, here it is. So I deleted it and made it a part of the first one. For those of you who want to read both, here's the original:

Why did I wake up angry this morning? For some reason I remembered as I woke up a competition we did in the library when I was in 4th grade. You had to look up a page of words and write down the page number they were found on. The first 10 students to correctly name all the pages got bookmarks. The other 10 were forced to sit and finish regardless of how long it took. It took me all fucking period to find all those fucking words because I've always been slow at ABC order. Man was I angry this morning. Fuck the dictionary. www.m-w.com is all you need. Type a word in, get a definition. I defy any of those fucking clowns in the first 10 to pull out a big ol paper dictionary and find a word faster than I can on www.m-w.com! How about that??? You like that shit? I'll never use a paper dictionary again! And fuck your stupid bookmarks too! I want my 42 minutes of my life back that I spent in the stupid lincoln-roosevelt library! Totally useless. Why don't you teach me how to use an abacus or write in sanscrit while you're at it? FUCK YOU, DICTIONARIES!

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Awesomo 4000

Why am I more nervous now that I have the job then before when I was just interviewing? Why? I can tell you why. Because now I'm starting my career. That is the wierdest thing I've ever had to say. I'm starting my career. bleh. I tried going to bed early last night but I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night and then somewhat slept through my alarm. I left about 20 minutes later than I had wanted to but still had plenty of time... unless the NJDOT was patching potholes on rt80... and they were. I was late by 18 minutes. Bill was busy when I got in, so I didn't feel as shitty as I should have. I didn't wear my suit because he had seen me 3 times in 7 days with the same suit on and I didn't want to make it 4. He commented on how I have to invest in suits because I can't come into work dressed "like that." I had a nice shirt and tie on.

So here's the fun part. I get to call Joe G up and tell him that I'm through. I don't want to do that at all. Not because I love the job, but because even after all the work bullshit, Joe G is a cool guy. It's not that I don't like him as a person (though that would make this so much easier) it's just that he isn't a good boss. I got the call that I had the job in front of my 2 best employees, Rose and Ken. I wanted to spike my phone and do the dirty bird in the kiosk, but then I looked at the two of them that knew exactly what that call was and it was hard to look them in the eye, know I'm leaving them, and not feel bad. What sucks about being the boss is that even though you are cool with your employees, they are your employees. I would like to keep up with them when I leave, but I know that is just one of the things that won't happen. It's just human nature and nothing to hate on, but it still sucks. I really hope Joe G lets Rose run the store because she'll do just as well as I have if not better. I feel the worst about leaving her because she counts on this job for her livelyhood. The others are all part time, but Rose is full time and this is her only job. If the store magically dissapears in the middle of the night then she would be unemployed with bills to pay. I hope she at least gets enough time to find herself something else.

Now here's how bizarro I am. Bill told me to go to the bookstore "today" and buy every single book on telemarketing, cold calling, and sales. The strange part is that I actually stopped on the way home and bought every book they had on telemarketing, cold calling, and sales. I have been told by at least a dozen professors over the years to buy this book or that book because it will help. What did I do? Laughed in their stupid faces. This time I couldn't wait to go to Barnes and Noble. Bill had mentioned a book Successful Telephone Selling in the 90s by Martin D. Shafiroff. I came home and did a search on www.amazon.com for "in the 90s" because I couldn't remember the exact wording and it was the first book to come up and was rated 5 stars. It's on it's way to beautiful Great Meadows as we speak.

I don't know, but I think that this job could be enough to motivate me out of being lazy. I really want to read all this shit I bought and I want to do well. Not that I've ever wanted to fail, but I'm notorious for doing the minimum. I want to use this opportunity as a springboard into a responsible life. I've been trying to ration my sleep properly, eat 3 meals a day, change up my daily routine, and see people I care about more often recently. This might just be the final piece to the puzzle. I just need a life beyond football that makes me want to wake up in the morning and I have not been able to find it or admit to myself that without football I'm not really motivated to do shit for a long time. Today feels like the day after you stop drinking when you can talk about how bad you used to be and how good it feels to change only my addiction has been sloth. I need this and I have it. I am so excited and I can feel things changing. It is going to be hard at first to ration out the time I need to start reading all these words I paid $125.00 for today, but by feburary 14th I want to have them all read and understood. It's also bizarro that I am taking an intrest in learning how to sell when I've always been really good at it. Bill made me feel like I really need to learn it when I have always been pretty damn good. That drove home the reality that I am not a pro and that I have to take everything I know and throw it out. I have to use who I am as a base for who I want to be and basically start over. I am ready to do it.

Finally, I want to thank God and everyone who talked to him for me. I haven't prayed the rosary for years until this week (and even this week I had to try and remember the numbers because my rosary beads are still buried from my move to Great Meadows 4 years ago.)

Oh, I also want to congratulate Bobby Orr on getting his first real job this week too. He got his job the same day I got mine and Hot Carl's (it's so uncomfortable to call him that now because my mother called him Hot Carl and has no idea what the fuck it means. She grabbed my phone for me one time when he was calling and looked at the name. She thinks it's some joke about his cuteness.) cousin's having another baby. Great fucking week.

rock and roll